Easter 2016

Easter 2016

My Easter went fairly well. My father was in his mood but I didn’t let it bother me. I don’t think he let the cable man to his apartment as he didn’t say anything. Now I am probably going to have to reschedule the appointment. Better yet, I will have my sister call, if I can.

I then had BPD chat. We were talking about mentalizing and one woman was having a hard time with the term. She said she was going to cry because she just couldn’t understand it. Then there was a sarcastic bitch that kept on ranting on the whole thing, just making things worse. It was probably the worst chat that I have been to in a while. Mentalizing is easy for me. I understand it and use it. It’s second nature to me as I have done it all my life dealing with a narcissistic father. I still use it to try and see where the fuck he is coming from so I am not so damn angry with him. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t because I don’t care because he is hurtful.

I really wanted to explain more about mentalizing but I am not an expert in it. I just know the overview of the concept and agree with it. According to one of the moderators, there is MBT (mentalization based therapy) in Boston. Where the hell it would be, I have no fucking clue. Most of the centers that I know of use DBT. I think you would be hard pressed to find even a CBT therapist let alone an MBT one. It would be worth looking into as an adjunctive thing.

I played with my phone settings trying to get more memory on my device as I am having problems with email. It keeps telling me that it’s out of memory. I cleared the “cached” data and that seemed to do the trick. It was 6GB of data so it was holding a lot of memory. I have no idea what I cleared and hope it wasn’t important. I tried to transfer apps to my external data card but there was none to be had. The only thing that was there was FB messenger so I transferred that to the data card. I was able to delete duplicate songs on my music player.

Mentally, I am feeling a little bit better. I am not as slow as I was before. I also don’t feel a heaviness in my legs like I did. I was going to go to Walgreens if my prescription was ready but it’s too early to get it filled. It was nice out today but I didn’t go out. I made coffee and that kind of energized me a little bit. I was able to fill my pill box without dread for the first time in weeks. I hope this turn that I am taking is for the better and not for the worse.

Tomorrow I need to get a haircut. But before I do I need to call to make my father’s doc appt. They cancelled the one for Thursday so they want to see him Tuesday. I hope I don’t have to cancel my therapy appointment but I might have to. It all depends on the time they have available. Thursdays work better for me because I don’t have therapy.

I had a glass of wine with dinner. I am a lightweight as I don’t drink often, if at all. I have a slight headache and feel tired. I didn’t overeat, but that has been the only meal that I have eaten today. I did have a slice of pie for dessert. My mother didn’t make the chocolate cream pie, much to my disappointment but her back was hurting her yesterday so I understand. There were more desserts than food! My sister had made some Italian dessert and chocolate chip cookies. My mother’s was better than hers. My mother had made apple turnovers, brownies, cookies, and pie. There were also Pizzelles, an Italian cookie.

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