Lost of Interest

Lost of Interest

I have been losing interest in things I used to enjoy. I no longer go to Starbucks like I used to, I make coffee at home, nor do I have an interest in my favorite sport, baseball. The season started and I hope I gain interest back but it’s doubtful. I still hear the chatter on Twitter to see how good or bad they are playing but I really don’t care like I used to. I don’t even know their record or how many games they have played so far.

I emailed my psychiatrist all this last night. I haven’t heard back from her. I am still hoping to see her on Wed. She said she might have to change the appointment time because even though her schedule says she is free, her secretary might not agree. It will really suck not to see her this week. I will probably page her just to talk to her. I feel like I am losing a handle with the depression. Things are going south, and quickly. I just don’t know what to do to stop it when things don’t interest me anymore.

I made pancakes for the first time since the depression began. I didn’t eat all of them but a good amount. It’s been the only thing I ate all day. I just had an Ensure because I am not hungry but feel woozy. I just don’t know what I want to eat. I really want another pastrami sub but that would involve getting dressed and going out. I am not up for that. If I had cash on me, I would have it delivered but I don’t.

I’m kind of worried about one of my blogger friends. She had a heart attack a few days ago but is afraid of receiving medical care. I hope she doesn’t have another one because that could be fatal. She is alone with her dog in an RV out in the middle of the US. I really like her stories and her. She is a great person. I would hate to lose her so I hope she is ok.

I found a high school friend of mine on Twitter. He is going through a hard time, though I think his depression is more severe than mine at the moment. I hope I can help him through these tough times.

I’m not seeing my father today. I really need to muster the energy to shower but I don’t think it is going to happen. I am just so tired. I woke up a few times during the night so my sleep is all out of whack. I hate when I get interrupted sleep. I have been sleeping on and off for most of the day. I did fill my pill box for the week so I accomplished something. There is a BPD Chat tonight. I don’t think I am going to participate. I am just not up for listening in and talking to people. My energy level is so low that I think I am just going to go back to sleep after I finish this blog. I have no interest in doing anything else.

About G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about. also writing about my daily struggle with chronic pain and how it affects my suicidality
This entry was posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, depression, mood disorders and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to Lost of Interest

  1. manyofus1980 says:

    Wow I know the blogger your talking about I hadnt reliased that she was ill I hope she will be ok! Your really thoughtful to think of others when your having such a hard time yourself, I love that about you, genuine and kind you are. XX

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