so fricken tired

So fricken tired

I took a shower today and was totally wiped out afterwards. I needed a nap. So I napped while my phone charged as I didn’t do that last night. Then some lady from the nursing home called about some more paperwork that needed to be signed. Unreal. Every week there is something. I told her I would go later this afternoon but I don’t think I can. I am so tired. I just went to have my pastrami sub. It wasn’t as good as the previous ones. I could barely finish it and it was a small. I am glad I didn’t order a large. I think I am done with pastrami subs now.

After I ate, I saw my cousin and we chatted for a bit. I then went to Rite Aid to see if the Ensure was cheaper there than at Walgreens. It was the same price so I didn’t get it. I will get it maybe later today. Only reason I didn’t get it is because I earn points at Walgreens. If I wasn’t tired, I would have walked up the street to buy it but I had no energy.

I still am feeling pretty sad. My psychiatrist wants me to keep in touch with her. She understood when I told her last night that I didn’t want to be admitted if I went to the ER. I honestly have no idea how I am going to cope with this level of depression. I think my father has about two weeks left. I really can’t see him living beyond that. I hope it is in the nursing home and not at home because it will just create more stress for me and my sisters. I wish the stupid social worker would return my call. I have been waiting for two days now. It’s really pissing me off.

My weight keeps fluctuating. I seem to lose the same three to four pounds and then gain them back. I don’t think I will be eating anything else today. That sub is sticking to my ribs. It has been the only thing I have eaten today. I should get the Ensure so I can have it later. Maybe I will if I can muster up the energy.

About G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about. also writing about my daily struggle with chronic pain and how it affects my suicidality
This entry was posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, depression, mood disorders and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to so fricken tired

  1. yes, I have a good psychiatrist and am grateful for that.

  2. manyofus1980 says:

    so sad for you. dealing with the death of a parent is so hard. no matter how the relationship is its hard because they are your parent. glad your psychiatrist wants you to stay in touch. she sounds really good and respectful of how you feel. XX

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