loss of a friend

Loss of a friend

I found out tonight that a friend of mine died Tuesday. We don’t know how she died and she had been sick for a while. She was one of my CES buddies. I have known her since the early days of my diagnosis. It’s so sad that she is no longer with us. My friend in Canada is having a hard time with this. She and my friend were closer than I was to her. They talked all the time and had a lot in common. It’s a shock for all of us in the group. We have been through so much over the years. And now this. We have lost members in the past but this one is more personal because we all knew each other. Hell, back in 2001 there were only 25 of us with the diagnosis. Now it’s more than 100 x that, from around the world. And that is for those with internet capabilities at the time and currently. My blog “Knackered” gets read almost every day and it saddens me because I know another person has come down with this dreadful condition.

Those 25 members in the early days have moved on from the email support group and then we banded together when Facebook became popular. That is how most of us kept in touch with one another. Gone were the days of emails and now we had instant messaging and Private messages to keep us together. I still keep in touch with my friend in South Africa. Instead of emails, we now send PMs. It’s all the same thing, if you think about it. Just keeping in touch with one another is the important part.

Pain had shot up again with me tonight and I was once again thinking of ending my life. I texted my therapist but got no response. I don’t think she is in the office. I often wonder if my friends on Facebook would react the same way if they found out I had passed away. I came really close to ending my life this week, again. One of these days, I will go through with it, if I could ever get a hotel room and can get there. Mobility has been my hindrance these past few weeks.

About G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about. also writing about my daily struggle with chronic pain and how it affects my suicidality
This entry was posted in blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, suicide and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to loss of a friend

  1. manyofus1980 says:

    that is so sad. i’m so sorry for your loss. losing friends is so difficult. thinking of you. xoxo

  2. I’m sorry for your loss. I do hope you find another way out. I try to remind myself not to execute permanent solutions for temporary problems.

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