school worries

Just got the notice that my state refund was redirected to the state university towards the money I owe. Now with the close to $900 I will pay off the entirety of what I owe and be free to hopefully enter class in the summer. Though I am a long way from actually going there right now. I just learned I got to get readmitted and it has to go through a review process. I know my transcripts hasn’t been great at the school, but working two jobs and going to school was tough. I was lucky to get a B or even a C. Though I have more W’s than I do actual grades. I also have a couple of incompletes that are now F’s so I know my GPA sucks right now. I feel really rotten as it is and summer is a long time away from now. I have until the middle of April to sign up for this class I want to take. I really, really want to take this class. It is the history of psychology and is only offered over the summer. It is a summer long course and is upper level. I will have my work cut out for me because it will also be my first online course. I’m now starting to chicken out. Plus it really won’t matter if I go through with my plans for the end of the week.

The typical worries I have is what if I don’t get accepted back? What am I going to do? I really want to go back to this university as it will suck to start over somewhere else. I know the professors in the psych department so know what it’s like. I won’t have that advantage at another school. Plus I can take my time this go round because I won’t be bothered with the demands of work. The hard part is going to be paying for it as loans are out of the question. I’ll have to save some money every month and be on a strict budget to go back.

The whole process is kind of freaking me out. If I don’t get accepted I have to go to another school. If I survive this week and don’t do what I want to do. Maybe school is too soon after this mental breakdown I have been experiencing. But then, the reason I left school was because I had a breakdown. I just couldn’t handle school and work and became psychotic. But now I will just have school to focus on. Maybe I will excel maybe I will just be as overwhelmed and it won’t happen like I plan. Nothing happens like I plan it to go. I will be a fool to say that everything goes right for me but it doesn’t.