I went to my “happy place” (Starbucks) today to sit and write. Unfortunately, all I did was sit and check twitter on my phone. I decided to write an introduction for the book I was writing. Nothing came to me. ZILCH in over an hour. What I did write was the shortest and most boring introduction to a book. I might as well just have written the word INTRO and call it a day.
I have set what I think will be an impossible goal for me, to write four pages a day till Sept 20th in my book. I have found that once I start, I have a hard time stopping. But the thing is, to get GOING! Lately, even with my blogs, I have been finding that I have to turn off my phone so I am not bothered with incoming text or email messages. I don’t get phone calls anymore. If I do, I usually have the MP3 player going so I know when I have a call. I actually have tracked my phone calls since I left work. Hardly any minutes go for landlines anymore. I get like 700 minutes a month and at least 70 minutes will be used. I have unlimited mobile to mobile so it doesn’t matter how many minutes I use. I kind of hate it because I am paying 450 minute for nothing, get 300 bonus minutes, and I don’t use it anymore. I just pay for my data plan, which is reasonable I guess. I never use more than 2GB of data a month, but then I have unlimited data so it doesn’t matter. I am paying for a tablet that I don’t use data for. I would love to cancel the contract but it will cost me $200 to break the contract. I have until March to cancel it anyways. Not like I use it much. I just use it for the Kindle app so I can read, but I have so many hardcover books that I am reading, I hardly use the tablet anymore. It got old a month after I bought it so I am not sure anyone will want it. I do use it for email or something when I go in the hospital. But I don’t know if they will allow it anymore. Some places are going all no technology. Even using a cell phone is prohibited.
I am kind of feeling pressured to write these four pages a day. But I added some stuff to the document last night from a previous version of my book. Taken together, I have like 150 pages of stuff. The first version is just a compilation of my first few blogs and some other stuff I wrote that I think should be included in the book. The thing is, that I have become such a condensed writer that for me to expand is difficult. Sometimes I feel like I write and just go on not making any sense.
I have been having waves of sadness hitting me pretty hard today. I don’t know why as I had such a good day yesterday. I think it is because my foot has been bothering me today. Since this morning, my foot and leg pain has been bad. I literally had to force myself to go out today. Even putting on my sneakers today hurt, which almost made me want to go back to bed. After getting my latte, I was really hurting even though I was just sitting in Starbucks playing on my phone. I tried to come up with something to write but it was impossible. The sadness was so palpable.
Tomorrow is my BFF from childhood birthday. It just is another reminder to me that I am getting older and I don’t like it. I never imagined that I would make it to my thirties, let alone past my twenties. Pretty soon I will hit the big 4-0 and I am not sure I can take it. I just want to die now so I don’t have to spend my days in bed withering in pain.
I meant to go to the grocery store today. But after getting out just for my coffee, I couldn’t bear standing anymore. I will try tonight when my brother-in-law gets home so I can take the car. I got a pumpkin cupcake recipe off the internet that I am dying to try. I love pumpkin! And this will be the perfect snack for me to have or even a good breakfast. I just don’t know if I can stand to do more today or not. But I am getting hungry and have not had dinner yet. I am debating on making pasta or reheating the left over Chinese food I got last night. I just don’t want a repeat of what I went through last night if I have the Chinese food. I got really bloated from the grease. I should have ordered from my usual place but I wanted to try another restaurant. Now I know better!
midnightdemons7 