Game Day Sunday

Game Day Sunday

My football team won. Baseball team won. I just finished with a shower at halftime and my damn foot got zaps in it. I am in some serious pain but I just took a pain pill so hopefully that will take care of it. If not, in an hour I will take another one. I hate nerve pain. I can’t do anything about the zaps. I never know when they will occur and they come out of the blue. I never know when they will stop either. The longer they last, the deeper the pain is. Drives me insane.

Been in a depressed mood since I woke up this morning after a couple of weird dreams. The only one I can recall is walking toward a destination and getting lost. I was in the right vicinity of where I needed to be but kept on making wrong turns and had to back track. Then it got dark as I was walking back so I woke up. No idea what that dream is about. Probably just about getting lost. Or perhaps, feeling lost. I wanted to do some writing today before the game, but I got distracted. I wrote in my journal for about 45 mins before game time and that was the only writing I did. I feel like I should work on my manic story but not sure where to go with it. It’s not even 500 words so I really need to write more. I would like to describe the scene a little more, like where I was and such but don’t know where to put that in. Maybe a different paragraph. I know that if I write it out by hand, it will be better than typing it up on the word doc. I tend to write better with the pen and paper. I don’t lose my attention so fast when I make a mistake.

I woke up thinking today was Monday. This is the second time that I have thought this after having a rough night sleeping. Last week, I thought Saturday was Sunday all day. I swear if I don’t wear a watch, I just lose my sense of time. If I have the watch on, I don’t lose the time, if that makes sense. I know I have my phone but I don’t really pay attention to the date as well as I do with a watch. But since I no longer work or go out every day, wearing a watch has become inconsistent.

I hate this feeling of depression that I have been feeling all day. Watching both games distracted me from it for a little while but now the games are over and I have a long night ahead of me. I don’t know what to do with myself and that further depresses me. I have things I can read but I just can’t stay focused like I used to. I’ll read for about 20-30 minutes and then be done. I still haven’t finished reading “Order of the Phoenix” because my concentration is off. I lost interest in reading, so it’s hard to read. Things were all well and good when I was hypo but now that I am depressed, I find things to be so hard. My thinking has been a lot slower. I don’t have that much of an appetite lately. I have been sleeping more as I just been so tired. I am not really motivated to do anything. It just stinks.