Random 987

Random 987

I woke up really early this morning, like 0330 early. I was in a lot of pain with my ankle. It hurt so much that I couldn’t move my leg to sit up to take some pain meds. Then when I finally did situate myself, I was awake. I stayed up for about until the meds made me sleepy and I got some relief from the pain. I should have plugged my phone in as I didn’t before going to sleep but I forgot. I woke up around 1030 and my phone was at like 25%. I was so mad at myself for not charging it. I decided to wait till around 1400 for it to charge and then go out. I had some errands to run that involved taking a lot of buses. Even though it charged for a few hours, I only got to about 80% when I left the house. I don’t know if it’s the charger or the battery that is the problem. I have to take it to the Sprint store to find out. I hope it’s not the battery as I would have to take the otter box case off and that is a bitch to take on and off. It really protects your phone so you can’t have access to it! HA!

I went to Starbucks and tried a new drink today, a toasted graham latte. It was sweet and didn’t taste like a graham cracker. I won’t be buying it again. I tried writing in my journal and got a page written when I had to catch the bus to do my errand. The bus ride went ok both ways and I didn’t have to wait till 1630 for the bus home, which was even better. My mother called while I was getting on the bus home. She reminded for the fifth fucking time to get a card for the wedding tomorrow. I was planning on getting it anyways as I needed to go to Walgreens to pick up my prescription. Luckily they still had some cheap cards as I refused to pay more than $2 for a card. It’s just a waste of money and the card ends up in the trash anyway. It’s not like it is going to get used again. I hate buying cards for this reason.

While I was waiting for my phone to charge, I took a shower. My back almost went out on me and I seriously was wiped out afterwards. I needed a nap. Just as I was about to go into a deep sleep, my phone text messages decided to go berserk. I must have gotten 5 or 6 messages in the span of 10 minutes, on right after the other. It pissed me off so I woke up. Good thing to because I had to go catch the bus to the Square. I should have had something to eat at Starbucks but I wasn’t hungry and I still am not hungry. I have no appetite today at all. I finished a bag of combos, which had like 5 or 6 pretzels left and that was my breakfast and lunch. I might make a chicken sandwich later. My mother made chicken cutlets last night and there are a few left over.

I’m still feeling depressed about the therapist situation. Maybe when I talk with her next week I can convince her to stop for a while and then when I want to go back, I will call her. Can’t hurt at this point. I won’t say it will be a forever kind of thing, just a couple of weeks of not seeing one another might break this tension I created. Maybe my pdoc can salvage the relationship. I don’t know at this point because I just feel like giving up all together. I really don’t care. I know I am not going to find someone else. A friend of mine that lives south of Boston thinks that people are “opening up” to suicide more these days than in the past. If they are, they might be in her area, not mine. I always get the “you should be seen by someone that has hospital connections and I am not that person”. I know I have severe mental illness and it’s not going away anytime soon. I am kind of shocked that with this stress, I haven’t become delusional or psychotic, yet. Because I was dead tired last night, I took my night meds early. It woke me up and I couldn’t go to sleep until later that night. I have decided I am going to take some of my night meds in the morning. I figure if I do that, I can probably get more done during the day, if it works out. It’s weird that the meds after all this time are making me hyper and unable to sleep.

I need to have my AC out soon as the weather is getting cooler. I don’t think we will be having the Indian summer like I thought. I just got to move some stuff around my room so my brother in law can get to the window. It’s the same stuff I always move around.

One thought on “Random 987

  1. I am sorry on the therapy front. I hope that all gets worked out. I hear you about the card thing. I also refuse to buy an expensive card unless its a special occasion or someone i consider to be very special. XX

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