Sleepy Monday

Sleepy Monday

All I did today was sleep. I just couldn’t get out of bed. I got notification that my prescriptions were ready and was planning on getting it but I didn’t. I haven’t left the house since Thursday. I haven’t showered in at least a week. I know I need a shower. I figured I would shower and then go to the pharmacy. Now it’s looking like I might take a shower before bed. That might not happen either.

I tried to see if my therapist had an opening today to talk to her but she is booked. I didn’t think I would even blog today. I just don’t want to do anything today that requires thinking. At dinner, my mother asked why I haven’t been going out. I didn’t tell her it was because I was depressed. I just said I didn’t feel like going out, which is true. Now I have to go out tomorrow or she is going to think something is wrong. Fuck. Well, if I don’t shower, I am not going out. Only thing I have been doing for self-hygiene is brushing my teeth. Usually I don’t even do that.

My brother in law has been working on his kitchen most of the day. Sleeping has been difficult to come by because of this but I just stay in bed. I haven’t really sat up to do anything other than check stuff on my phone. I barely used the laptop today, except for writing this blog. I have to use word to write my blog.

I just have no energy. I didn’t even make coffee today. I was going to so I could combine the two Brazil’s into one bag. I probably could do it but I don’t want the full bag to be too full. The stuff is expensive and I don’t want any of it to go to waste. I used to put my coffee in Tupperware containers but my idiotic mother once combined my breakfast blend coffee with Maxwell House so I don’t do that anymore! If I didn’t need special grounding for my French press, I would have used it but didn’t want to take the chance of mixing grounds. She doesn’t use Maxwell House at all as she barely uses a coffee maker. She just uses instant coffee that is disgusting. I can’t stand the smell of that coffee. It makes me sick. But then, my mother says the same about my coffee so I guess we’re even.

The Pats lost to the Eagles yesterday. I didn’t watch the whole game but they just fell apart in the third and fourth quarters. By the time I checked Twitter to see how the game was going, it was abysmal. Within just a few minutes, the Eagles scored like 3 touchdowns that sealed the game. I tried to watch the last few seconds of the game but I couldn’t find the damn channel in time. When I did, the game was over. I was hoping for a miracle but it didn’t happen. I am upset but I know they will win the next game. They got to.

Published by

G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about. also writing about my daily struggle with chronic pain and how it affects my suicidality

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