Just when I thought my fears were behind me, they were right there in front of me all along. I woke up from my nap and had to pee really bad. My mother was in the bathroom so I had to wait. Not really good with someone with a nerve injury but it was too late to go to my sister’s apartment to use her bathroom. I didn’t have to wait too long and when I sat on the toilet, I couldn’t go. I already had retention on starting, but it seems to be getting worse. I was trying to relax so I could go and eventually I did but it wasn’t a powerful stream and it seemed to take forever to empty my bladder. Least I hope it is empty. I don’t know what this means, well, I kind of do. Tomorrow I need to push up the MRI date. If the disc is affecting my nerves to bladder, that can only mean trouble. I really don’t want to have to cath. I know people do, but it always leads to infections and such.
I haven’t had a number 2 either lately. I am always constipated so I don’t know if this is just a missed day or what. I am fearful though. I took a senna tonight to get the ball moving again. I didn’t take one last night because I forgot. I am back to my hodgepodge med taking week. I’m just taking whatever I feel like taking because I am too lazy to fill my pill box.
I hope this was a one time thing, that my fears that my bladder function is in peril is just that, a fear. I don’t think I can stand the poking and prodding to deal with this, just to move up my MRI in the ER. The thing is, I should have excruciating back pain like I did the last time I had CES and I don’t. I have a little pain but it’s not excruciating. It’s minor compared to what my ankle feels like.
I wish my therapist was here so I can talk to her about this. I can email my psychiatrist but I don’t want to worry her. She’ll probably tell me to go to the ER anyways, something I don’t want to do, especially right before the New Year. I’d rather have a psych admission than go to the ER for this. I guess I should be grateful that it’s not the other extreme where I lose control of my bladder all together. That is something that has been terrifying me the last 15 years or so.
Nyquil is kicking in. Maybe I can just sleep on it and this will all be just a dream.