too tired to care

It’s another cold fricken day. The temp was supposed to warm up but it’s barely 30 degrees out. I was going to go out today but I am feeling really tired. I didn’t sleep very well last night and my stupid phone kept on going off with messages and alerts. I should have shut the ringer off.

I just feel really blah and don’t want to do anything. My tolerance today is zero. I am just in a grumpy mood and I can’t shake it. I’m trying to increase my fluids today, to see if that helps my bladder situation. But all I want to do is sleep. I just can’t deal with it. I really want pizza but I don’t want a whole one. Just a couple of slices. That would mean having to walk to the pizza place and I am not up for it.

I am feeling really depressed. I don’t want to talk with anyone, much less my family members. I am just so tired and wiped out. I know part of it is the stress of the upcoming MRI and knowing the results of it. It’s all I have been thinking about. I keep thinking that the surgeon is going to tell me that I have CES again and I just am not going to be able to cope with it. My worse fear is that I will have to have a fusion. Then I was talking to my bipolar cousin and he is like “don’t let them cut you open again”. Thanks, just what I wanted to hear. Like my four surgeries have been voluntary. They haven’t, they have been under emergency circumstances. I just can’t deal with ignorant people.

I’m going back to bed. I can’t stand being awake anymore. I am too tired.

Published by

G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about. also writing about my daily struggle with chronic pain and how it affects my suicidality

One thought on “too tired to care”

  1. I’m sorry to hear you’re depressed, I really hope the MRI is good and the results are not what do you expect. Sending hugs and support your way. Some days life just sucks

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