Saturday Blog 40

I was going to order pizza but now I don’t have to because my mother is making it. She makes good pizza, though I love the dough more than the sauce and cheese. I got a calendar but it isn’t the one I wanted. They were out of them. I thought about ordering it on Amazon but I didn’t want to spend another $35 just for free shipping. I got a calendar at the Coop for $7 and I will make it work. Right now it’s too long and needs to be moved over so I can have access to my light switch. I really didn’t want to put another hole in the wall but seems I have no choice. While I was at the Coop, I saw a nice leather pouch with the Harvard logo on it. I so wanted to get it. I also wanted to get a knitted hat but refrained. I kept my hands in my pocket and just kept walking.

I got my Starbucks soy latte. Today was not the day for specialty drinks. I have been having the gags most of the day. They will come on suddenly and without reason so I think I am getting a migraine. My head doesn’t hurt yet, but I am sure it will later this evening.

I plan on watching a movie tonight. Last night I watched the Goonies. Ridiculous movie if I ever saw one. I really don’t get the appeal of the movie. I will watch Pretty Woman tonight. I love Richard Gere and Julia Roberts. It’s one of my favorite movies.

I almost didn’t go into Harvard today. I saw the bus home and almost decided to take it and go home with just my latte. But I pushed through the tiredness and trudged on. I went to my favorite stationary store and realized I forgot the pen I needed a refill on. So I bought some more V-Ball pens and another notebook. They didn’t have my calendar I wanted. They had every other calendar but the one I was looking for. A lot of pretty ones, too. But they were too big for the space that I needed it. Doesn’t matter now as I need to move up the nail and make another hole in the wall.

All I had to eat today was a pop tart. I couldn’t finish the second one. I have no appetite today. I am trying to drink more fluids so on the way home I bought some mineral water and a coke. I know I will drink the water. I can’t drink that much soda like I used to. I usually have a few sips a day until it’s gone. I plan on making a cup of tea when I am done with this blog. I need something warm to drink. I still am sick. I still have pain in my ankle as well. It didn’t help that while putting on my PJs my ankle turned. Luckily, I was standing by my bed or I think I would have fallen.

I entered a reading challenge this year through the website GoodReads. I finally finished the book Far From the Tree but for some reason it didn’t register in my challenge. Maybe it takes a day or so to do it. One of my friends suggested that I read “Game of Thrones”. I told her I already tried and failed to read it. I am just glad I didn’t buy the book set. It was just a weird book. I am going to try and read “Explorations in Personality” by Murray. I started it a few weeks ago. It is very dry reading but interesting. I keep calling the biases of the experiment but back then, you didn’t have diverse populations. It was mostly white people and middle class. The study that I am reading is about white undergraduates. Harvard wasn’t that diverse in the thirties. Book reminds me of the book George Apley. I never finished that book either because it was wicked dry reading and kind of boring. I hope to read Murray’s book as a tribute to Shneidman. That is my goal for 2016.

Published by

G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about. also writing about my daily struggle with chronic pain and how it affects my suicidality

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