Saturday Blog 48

Saturday Blog 48

I spent the day sleeping for the first time in a long while. I didn’t even take any drugs to achieve sleep. I just slept until I had a weird dream. Actually, it was a scary dream. I don’t want to write about it because I would rather forget about the damn dream. It wasn’t real. It never happened in real life. It was just a dream.

I went downstairs because I had to use the bathroom. Afterwards, I went in the kitchen and my mother had made chocolate covered biscottis. They were yummy. I didn’t have any lunch so I made dinner of a tuna sandwich. Now I feel bloated.

My sister is having a special dinner for my mother tomorrow. We are having turkey with all the fixings. I bought some wine the other day and I think I am going to have it with my meal. I just hope I have an appetite. I got my mother a card but I didn’t get my sisters one. I keep forgetting they are mothers, too.

My pdoc finally called in the sertraline. I was getting worried that I was going to run out. The pharmacy is closed so I will pick it up tomorrow. I am guessing the copay period where I don’t have to pay anything is in effect because the cost of the medication is zero. I am glad because my meds were pretty expensive for a while there. At least four of my meds were $20 a pop. I’ll find out at the end of the month whether they have lowered the copay or I don’t have one. Now I just need to bug her for an appointment time.

I have been thinking about my father all day. I half wanted to call my sister to know if she had been in touch with him. It’s so weird with him being gone. The stress of knowing that you don’t have to deal with him is a huge loss. I don’t know how else to explain it. I still feel terribly sad. I had a hard time dealing with things last night. I used the crisis chat line to try and talk with someone but they were so slow in responding. It was late and although I was feeling suicidal, they really didn’t help me. I just fell asleep and slept soundly until 1015 this morning. I had some breakfast and then went back to sleep.

I bought Mary Chapin Carpenter’s new CD. I am not sure what to make of it. It is kind of depressing, which is unlike her previous music. But I am in a depressed state so it might be clouding my thinking and feeling at the moment. There is one song I like but I keep forgetting the name of it. I will learn the name one of these days.

About G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about. also writing about my daily struggle with chronic pain and how it affects my suicidality
This entry was posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, depression, mood disorders and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to Saturday Blog 48

  1. I never said you what you can and can’t write about. I’m just here for you no matter what you are dealing with. I have suucidal thoughts and have tried it many times. Why do you feel I’m tells you not to write about it? I totally understand those thought

  2. hi there, I took your number out so spam bots wouldn’t call you. Please read “what my blog is about”. I tend to write about being suicidal a lot on my blog and I won’t have someone tell me differently what to write.

  3. I’m sorry you felt so bad that you needed to reach out to the. Crisis line but I’m happy you did. I know you don’t know me to well but if you ever need to talk and you don’t have the patience to wait to get through with who you normally call you can call me. I don’t sleep at night so it’s no bother if you need me at that time. I’m also home all day so please if you feel you can open up to me just pick up the phone and call me. I don’t know if you remember but we did talk a couple years ago. I still have your phone number in my cell. Well that’s if you haven’t changed it. I’m available 24/7 365 days a year. If you need anything just shout out to me. If for some reason it goes to voice mail please leave a message and I promise to call you right back. Sometimes I have trouble answering the phone fast cause of the pain I’m in. And if you leave a message and I can’t get my phone I just wake my husband and he gets my phone for me and dials for me. I hope to talk with you soon Your friend forever, Cheryl😘

any thoughts?

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