what a fucking birthday

What a fucking birthday

My day started out good. I woke up without pain (for the first time in a long while). My mother woke me up because she was vacuuming, something I said I would do in the morning. Oh well. I had a few minutes before the bus came and I wanted to get my Starbucks birthday drink. The bus was late. The guy that I don’t like because he is a creep was on the bus. A homeless guy got on and couldn’t pay his fare. The creep started making a stink about him and the bus driver let him off the bus. I felt bad for the guy.

I got to Starbucks and the cashier, who knows me, gave me an additional discount so that I didn’t have to pay as part of my birthday reward. I was thankful. Everything was going okay. I sat at Starbucks, wrote in my journal. Listened to my music. Then I caught the bus home. I was checking messages on my phone and I guess when I put my phone back on the clip, it caught on my jacket. It sometimes happens. I pulled the jacket out and thought the phone was still attached. I was walking home and my Bluetooth headphones stopped working. I didn’t know why until I walked a little further and felt no phone! It must have fell off the bus because it wasn’t in the street. Fucking A. I panicked. I hurried home to contact the T to see if they could check the bus. I called the number they gave me and it was too soon. I then tried to get my phone turned off so people wouldn’t use it should it be found. That proved useless as I couldn’t find the link or a human to do this. I filled out a claim for a lost phone, thinking my phone was gone forever. Great birthday.

While I was trying to figure out how to turn my phone off, I called my phone to see if maybe a good person found my phone. They did and they were up the street for me. I hurriedly went to meet them and got my phone back. I was so grateful. I was out of breath by the time I reached the guy as I had to go up the hill to meet him. By the time I came back home, I was having back dizzy spells and thought I was going to pass out. I then realized it had been more than 12 hours since my last pain med dose. I took some pain pill and an Ativan as I knew it was some kind of withdrawal. I had to stay very still to keep the room from spinning. By this time, asthma like symptoms were occurring and I was fucked. I kept on wheezing and coughing. I had to call sprint to cancel my claim but I couldn’t get a human. I finally called the customer service on my phone to reach someone. After more than an hour, I got the insurance people and they told me what to do to cancel my claim.

I was exhausted so I tried to nap. I kept on wheezing and coughing, which made it impossible. I needed an inhaler and luckily my mother had one. I had to go downstairs and get it. My ankle was not liking me at this point. Neither were my lungs. The inhaler helped but I still got the damn cough. I couldn’t rest, even if I wanted to so I made a cup of tea. By the time I made it and it was cooled off, I had my party. People came over the house and all hell broke up. Who was yelling over this and that. I hated the yelling. But that is how my family “talks”. Then an incident happened down my aunt’s house and got my aunt all nervous. My party and people are all talking among themselves like they always do. I just wanted to hide in my room. Around 2000, I had the cake and then opened my cards. My favorite aunt gave me some scratch tickets and I won $50. I never won that much before. I got Starbucks gift cards and some cash. I plan on getting Chinese food tomorrow as my family usually goes down to my aunt’s and I don’t like going. It’s way too loud.

So between losing my phone, almost passing out, finding my phone, then possibly losing $200 I had a bad birthday. I am glad this day is over.

About G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about. also writing about my daily struggle with chronic pain and how it affects my suicidality
This entry was posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to what a fucking birthday

  1. G. Collerone says:

    yes I was. So panicked that I charged $200 to my phone bill for a replacement only to have someone find my phone minutes later. I was very lucky and my phone wasn’t damaged or information taken or wiped out

  2. manyofus1980 says:

    Happy birthday! What a day! You must have really panicked when you thought the phone was gone! I would have if it was me! xoxo

  3. G. Collerone says:

    thanks. I hate parties, even if they are my own. the $200 is what I had to pay for ordering my replacement phone. IN order to get it back I have to call UPS and tell them to return to sender. It’s going to be at least 2 wks before it gets all straightened out because I panicked. I really thought my phone was gonzo. eventually I will get the money back but you know how returns are. they like to take money but give you one hell of a ride giving it back.

  4. Happy birthday anyway! I’m sorry your day got all scrambled. Sounds as if the universe have you the Big Switcheroo! At least you got your phone back. How did you lose $200? Sorry your party was chaos but on the other hand, you have people who actually give a shit! That would be worth something to me. On my birthdays, my mother calls me to remind me that she was in labor for 26 hours and then got a C-section. My son calls me because he does, twice a year, on my birthday and on Mother’s Day. I am grateful for that. No gifts, no cards, nada. So I would personally feel good if someone made me a party, although I certainly would not like the noise! I don’t know why people have to scream when they’re in the same room, fer krisake.

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