Category: blogging

tired, tired, and still tired

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression

Tired, tired, and still tired

I woke up early this morning, in pain. It was the first time in a while that I woke up with my ankle hurting me. It was about 0700 so I just took some pain medicine, answered an email, and then went back to sleep. I slept till the unheard of 1300! I couldn’t believe that I slept that late! I almost never do, not without waking up several times. I had breakfast/lunch. Then my mother told me my sister was making dinner. I had a couple of hours to play on my laptop before it was ready.

I had a quarter glass of wine with dinner. Now I am sleepy again. It wasn’t the best wine I have had but it did its job. I have been really wanting a glass of my sister’s Mark West wine but a bottle wasn’t open. I really like this wine. Maybe I will have it on another day.

I did nothing today except play my game. Ankle is still acting up on me so I really don’t want to tax it. Plus, I have been up and down the stairs a lot today so I know I am going to be in pain later tonight. I have to get up early tomorrow to meet up with my father. I hope it isn’t going to be freezing cold. And the T runs like it is supposed to. We didn’t get too much snow last night, which was good. I think the storms are behind us but you never know.

I really am feeling dizzy from the wine and want to go back to sleep. But last night I did that and it wrecked havoc on my sleep. Even though I was able to sleep till 0700 before my pain shot up, I had about 6 hours of sleep. That is usually my normal. I guess my pain meds just added a few more hours when I went back to sleep. I would take another pain pill now but I am not sure that is a good idea with the wine I had. Maybe in an hour or so.

When I came into my sister’s apartment, my mother and her were talking about me. All I heard my sister say was “maybe she is in a depression”. They abruptly stopped their conversation when I got closer. I didn’t say anything. What was I supposed to say? If I did tell them I was depressed, they would ask why, like there is a reason for it. Sometimes there is, sometimes there isn’t.

Well, looks like the Twitter feed is going to be all about the Oscars tonight. I won’t have to worry about commanding tweets, least not for tonight. I won’t be watching as I don’t watch awards shows. Only award shows I will watch will be country music. But lately, I haven’t even been watching that. I had saved them when Taylor was winning and then when the awards became Miranda Lambert awards, I stopped watching. I would watch the performances but as for the awards, I would just fast forward them. I can’t stand Miranda. She is such a bitch. I’ve hated her since Blake Shelton married her. What he sees in her, I will never know. I don’t even find her attractive.

I am going to try and wrap one more book today. Then maybe read a little bit. I don’t know if it will be Jamison or the civil war book. I just hope I can stay awake long enough to just take my meds and then go to sleep. I am just so damn tired.

Random 202

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, depression

I don’t know what to blog today. Today is the same as yesterday, and the day before that, and the day before that. I watched my niece this morning for a little bit. Made her and I some breakfast. Then I had some coffee that I swear was a sleeping pill because I got really sleepy after I drank it. Not the effect it was supposed to have.

I wrapped another book today to be shipped out next week sometime. I am sending out free books to those that want to review my book. I just hope that they keep their end of the deal. One book I forgot to sign so that is being shipped to my cousin. I have two more books to wrap. But my motivation today is out the fricken window. It’s so fricken cold out so I didn’t dare go out. I do have to go out tomorrow. It is supposed to be warmer as it is supposed to rain, not snow. I just hope I make it out of my father’s place before the rain begins. I plan on going in the morning so I don’t have to deal with it, hopefully.

I am trying not to nap but it’s difficult. I am cold and just want to get under the covers to warm up. I might end up doing that after I write this.

Nothing good on the Twitter feed today. Yesterday was a little of everything. I had responded to a segment about diabetes having a new device. I asked what was the point if the diabetic couldn’t afford insulin. I got back that it was a “human rights issue”. WTF does that mean?? It’s not a human right, it’s a health care right! Pharmaceuticals shouldn’t be charging people life saving medicine up the wazoo. And then you wonder why more people end up in the ER due to diabetic complications and are seen as “non compliant” when in fact, they just can’t afford the medicine they are supposed to be taking. I know there are some people who don’t want to give themselves shots every day for the rest of their lives. But people like my mother, who has to take insulin six times a day and it costs her over $200/month, needs the medicine to control her diabetes. She is compliant, granted she doesn’t eat the way she should, but that is another issue. Making insulin affordable should be prioritized among health care doctors and nurses.

I could go on, but that is not what my blog is about. The other night I was reading “Touched With Fire”. I really like this book as it has my favorite passage from Edgar Allan Poe. He really knows what it is like to suffer from a “depression of spirits much as I have never known”. I also found the quote I was looking for about the thousand wounds. I will post it in my favorite quotes, if it is not already there. I think it is by Berloiz. Reading this book is helping me to understand my condition better and also to help ease my suffering a little bit. I am so tired of fighting every day these demons that steal my energy and motivation. I forgot what it was like to have energy and zeal. It has been too long. But I am in a prison of my own making and the weather has helped to isolate me. I am sadly, looking forward to going to my bastard father’s house because it gets me out of the house for a little while. I will have a 45 min or so bus ride to his house that will be my respite and the same coming back home, provided the buses run on time. I really don’t want to be in the cold waiting for the bus more than an hour. It will suck! But that is the gamble I have to take. I wish he would fill his own damn med case. Would save me a hassle and a half.

I’m starting to feel agitated and I don’t know why. I guess just talking about my idiotic father gets me upset. He really drives me and my sisters crazy. My other sister that does his laundry is not going over his house tomorrow. Great. I just hope I don’t have to listen to his damn stories about things I really don’t give a shit about. I just want to fill his med case and leave. Maybe I can borrow my sister’s car so I don’t have to take the bus. But I think she is working tomorrow. Oh well.

Random 2719

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging

I finished “Suicidal Mind” by Edwin Shneidman. His book, as his others, were fascinating to me and full of language. I learn something new every time I read his books. It was good to familiarize myself with this one because it resonates with me so much.

Now, I don’t have anything to read except my Civil War book which I am ready to toss to the unread pile. I have only about 300 pages to go yet I feel like this book is not going to end, that the war is going to go on forever as he draws out he years of the war like no tomorrow. We haven’t even made it to the year 1863 yet. We are just into 1862. That is another 2 years to go. I will never judge a book by its cover ever again.

If you read my previous blog today, I wrote a little about myself, my likes and favorite books and such. A friend blogged about it so I “stole” it from her.

I finally took a shower and I feel so much better. I might actually stay up now. I was feeling so sleepy before. And I did have a cup of coffee. I might have a cup of tea to sustain me. I haven’t had lunch yet. I haven’t had much of an appetite lately. I did make breakfast this morning. I might make pasta for lunch/dinner. But my mother has taken over the kitchen as she is making banana bread. I think she is using every frozen banana we have, which is good because they like to fly out of the freezer. Soon as she is finished, I will make my pasta.

Ankle is hurting but that is nothing new. I just stood for about 20 minutes in the shower, a record. I usually just stay about 10 minutes but I stayed a little longer with the hot water on my back. It’s been cramping lately and I don’t know why.

Another blizzard hit. I can’t see out my back porch door. Snow has completely covered it. I hope there is no emergencies and we have to use that door to get out of the house. We will be stuck. I don’t think I will be leaving the house any time soon. I might go out Tuesday but I am canceling my doc appt for Wednesday. I really don’t feel like going through public transportation as lately, they have had major breakdowns. Last night, someone jumped in front of the train, causing major problems commuting passengers. They had buses but they were gridlocked with the snow and traffic. My friend was unfortunately stranded. It took her over two hours to get home.

Only place that I am planning on going this week is Starbucks. I so need a mocha or a latte. I just realized it has been three weeks since I last went. But with all the snow and delays with the bus, I haven’t ventured out. Surprisingly, the bus I take to my father’s, which is usually late, was on time yesterday. But it is going to take some time for them to dig out the bus stops so I think Tuesday will be safe to venture out. If not, I will just go home. Screw waiting for the bus in knee high snow. I really don’t need a fall.

I really don’t know what is going on with Twitter today, but all the posts that I have seen/read have been about sex. Not intimacy or love, just sex and sex toys. I guess 50 Shades has something to do with this, but I am not sure. It isn’t entertaining to me.

I have been listening to Linkin Park for most of the day. I was listening to one of the songs last night with my niece. She was playing “In the End”. I like that song but she was kind of obsessed with it. When I played it on my phone, she had a look of credulous on her face. She is too funny.

I’m getting really hungry so I will stop here. Pasta time!

Get to Know me: 25 Q & A

by Midnight Demon, posted in blogging, writing

1. What is your middle name?:
don’t have one
2. What was your favorite subject at school?
Math
3. What is your favorite drink?:
Iced tea
4 . What is your favorite song at the moment?:
Something in the Water by Carrie Underwood
5. What is your favorite food?:
Pizza
6. What is the last thing you bought?:
pens
7 .. Favorite book of all time?:
Night Falls Fast by Kay Redfield Jamison, 8 million ways to die by Lawrence Block
8. Favorite Color?:
Blue
9. Do you have any pets?:
No
10. Favorite Colgne?:
Polo sport or Old Spice OS
11. Favorite Holiday?:
Easter
12. Are you married?:
No.
13. Have you ever been out of the country, if so how many times?:
Yes,Spain 1, Canada 1
14. Do you speak any other language?:
no
15. How many siblings do you have?:
2 younger sisters
16. What is your favorite shop?:
Amazon.com
17. Favorite restaurant?:
Olive garden, Texas Roadhouse.
18. When was the last time you cried?:
so long I don’t remember
19. Favorite Blog?:
belspor
20 Favourite movie?
Money Pit
21. Favorite TV shows?:
Bones, Rizzoli and Isles, Perception.
22. PC or Mac?
PC
23. What phone do you have?:
I have the Google Nexus
24. How tall are you?:
I am 5’
25 Can you cook?
I can make breakfast food and bake real good.