nerve pain sucks

I woke up this morning and it felt like my little toe on my nerve damaged foot was cutting into my other toe next to it. It was really hurting but I just cut the nail so I knew it couldn’t be the cause. I was feeling kind of crummy and decided to shave my goatie off as it was annoying me and then take a shower. Whatever was causing my toe to hurt, was worse when my foot hit the water. As much as the shower felt good to the rest of my body, my toe hates me now. I asked my mother to look at the toe as I can’t bend down to see it nor have the agility to look at the stupid thing thanks to four back surgeries. She said that it looks like I have a blister forming or a corn. Great. Now I just have to wait and see what forms and what kind of pain I will be in over the next couple of days.

I hate having nerve damage. My toes are extremely sensitive because of the after effects due to Cauda Equina Syndrome. I got this syndrome more than ten years ago and I am still dealing with it. I hate waking up in pain or staying up in pain almost every single night. The doctors have nothing to do for me. I just take pain meds and hope for the best.

I really am tired of dealing with the nerve pain. Everything intensifies when I try to touch my toes. Cutting my toenails are the worse. I have to wait till the nerve pain is down to a minimum in order to get a hold of my foot to do the deed.

This leaves me very depressed. I miss my old self where I could do the things normal people take for granted. Like taking a long hot shower, taking a long walk, or just standing for more than ten minutes. I have since my original diagnosis have another painful diagnosis of CRPS, Complex Regional Pain Syndrome. This is fun (said with severe sarcasm). My toes and foot become as cold as ice and then when they warm up, I am in such severe pain all I can do is think about death.
Not only is physical pain exhausting it drags you down mentally. You feel like you are a loser because you can no longer do the things you once were able to do.

I hope my pain is not going to be exhausting tonight. I am hoping to catch a nap now as I am overcome with exhaustion just from taking a shower. I hate when that happens.