another shitty night of sleep

I had another shitty night of sleep. I was in pain for most of the night and then when I woke up this morning, I was in the same amount of pain. So I took some pain meds, made breakfast, and then went back to sleep. I didn’t wake back up til after 3. I still am tired but not in so much pain. It has quieted down some, though I don’t know for how long.

I just had dinner a little while ago. I swear I could go back to sleep but I know that if I do, the same pattern of sleeping is going to resume and I am not going to get anything done. I still have to put my edits into the word document file. That is going to take some doing. And when I do it, I am shutting off my fricken phone because I don’t want any distractions. Even as I am typing this, some text messages are coming in or alerts for Words with Friends. I don’t need them. Ok I am a little grumpy because I have not had a good sleep and I am tired. If it wasn’t so late, I would probably go to Walgreens, get my half and half, and then make me a cup of coffee. But it’s after 6 now and if I have coffee now, I am going to be up half the night. I should make myself a cup of tea. That will wake me up but not keep me up. I really need to go to the grocery store this week (after Thanksgiving) to get more tea and pick up my coffee for the Keurig. Now that I have edited more than 100 pages, I can get my coffee reward. It might sound strange but it’s the little goals that keep you going when you are working on a project.

Last night I emailed my writing partner and told her I was thinking of going to Amazon for publishing and what did she think of it. I haven’t heard back because we really haven’t talked about how to get my book published other than me writing it. And I will be damned if this thing just sits around while time goes by. More and more people are publishing their stories about suicide. I would like to be among them. I also told her about my worries about the first few months of this being successful and then nothing. I just hope this doesn’t end up making me lose my disability. I will be so upset because it took me so long to reach that point to admit being disabled and go for it. And then I will be flipping out because I don’t know what I will do for income. But on the other hand, if my book is really successful, then I don’t have to worry about it. But I know it’s not so there is that fear as well.

Might write another blog later. I can’t keep up with this one so I will stop here.