Seeing as I have been lifted from my babysitting duties today, I plan on starting a new book series, Game of Thones. I have heard all the hype on TV and I know I am late to the party, but I want to join. I do better with books anyway. I like that they are more tangible and more imaginative in your mind than a TV show. And there’s no disappointment because you are the one making the stuff up as you read. I was going to go back to the Harry Potter books but every time I read “Deathly Hallows” I cry afterwards because it’s the last book in the series. I am buying the collection for Game of Thrones because it’s less than $30 for the first 5 books. I wish my Civil War book collection that I want was priced like that. I am a Civil War buff.
Therapy went well. We talked about my writing and about the “love/hate” blog I wrote. She thinks that I should keep everything that I wrote in the Darkness blog. It’s powerful stuff. So I will keep it. If anyone can read beyond the first two pages, good luck to them. My therapist wants a hard copy of this blog so I will send her the first manuscript that I printed off. So now I got to complete the rest of the editing. I don’t know when I will get this done. I am not planning on editing today because the Square is a mess. A building that has several bus routes going through it is falling down so they have closed off the area. No traffic through the area and that is just trouble. They have been trying to fix this building for months so I don’t understand why suddenly it is unstable. Doesn’t make any sense. It is possible the bad winter damaged it beyond repair, but that is just my speculation. I tried desperately to get out of my session on Thursday but it didn’t work, even though it will cause me more stress trying to get things done before I pick up my niece. I will have to just take the train and bus rather than just the bus to get to my father’s apartment.
I have a medical appointment tomorrow that I am not looking forward to. But it needs to happen and I hope that it is painless and not embarrassing. I am not getting my weight checked because I know I have gained a few pounds since my last appointment, especially since I overate this weekend. I didn’t have a chance to talk about this with my therapist. We were so focused on my damn writing and how I interpret it. I am going to get my haircut after the appointment. I just have to check to see if the same stylist is going to be there. She did a good job and I want it done the same way again.
I am still feeling like I am stuck in the gutter. I wrote to my psychiatrist exactly how I was feeling and I didn’t get a response. Maybe she has figured out when I am blowing off steam and when I really need to talk to her through what I say. I don’t know. I was blowing off steam and wasn’t giving specifics on when I was going to kill myself but pretty much that I have a plan and might be going through with it. I don’t know if I will be facing another hospitalization or not. I am going to fight it tooth and nail. It just doesn’t help. But then, nothing does so why bother?
Think I will go to Walgreens to pick up my prescription and get some Doritos. I don’t have chips often but lately, I have been craving that particular brand. Along with Ring Dings. I blame fricken baseball because they always advertise Drake cakes during the game. I know they are bad but everything in moderation, right?
It’s supposed to rain today but so far it hasn’t, least not in my area. It’s just wicked humid out. I need to go out for my daily exercise. I figure if I go out a little bit every day, maybe my mood won’t suck as much. I then can take a shower before going back to my room or something. I need to take a shower before tomorrow morning. I am not good at waking up early the last few days, because my damn sleep schedule has been fucked up again. I don’t know why. This morning it was because of pain. My toes were killing me at like 6 this morning. Not a fun way to wake up. I took my pain meds and then went back to sleep about an hour later. I was having a good sleep until my damn mother decided to call to see if she closed the windows on the porch. Then after I tell her I have an appointment at 1230, she calls me at 1240 to see where I am. WTF. Leave me the fuck alone, already!
midnightdemons7 