Random 504

My psychiatrist cancelled our appointment for this afternoon. I get to see her early Monday morning instead. This turned out ok except I didn’t go to Starbucks like I planned to. I woke up early enough but the dang tireds got me and I couldn’t leave my bed. I kept waking up every hour saying “ok, just a few more minutes”, but those minutes turned into hours. I had an errand to do with my mother and finally was able to get up around 1245 to go with her.

I figured I would take the later bus but the clothes I was wearing were making me really hot (sweatpants) on this very warm day. I still have time to go catch the bus but I think I will go tomorrow or try to. My luck for going to the Square on a Saturday haven’t been too good. But I now know a way around it should I get stranded.

One of my twitter buddies was talking about suicide and how people blame the patient for not getting well in therapy. It triggered me big time as well as pissed me off. So I did a little ranting about it as it really provoked my thoughts on the matter. I normally turn these rants into a blog because there were quite a few good thoughts on the matter. But I am too lazy to collect them. No one responded to my tweets, not even my friend. Oh well. I guess I don’t write very well. But then I don’t have many followers.

This morning when my psych emailed me to change our appointment, I was very surprised she used my birth name. I have always signed my name as the one I plan on changing it to for the past year now. It was kind of shocking. I thought she was ok with my transgender status. Now I am going to have to confront her on it. I am really nervous because it will be like confronting my mother. We never really discussed names. I always call her doc. I never call her by her first name. I don’t know if, because we have known each other for so long, she is having trouble calling me the name that I chose or that because I never brought it up before, she just doesn’t know. Calling me by my birth name really bothers me because I hate the name with a passion. I have been meaning to bring it up to her because this isn’t the first time she has used my birth name since coming out as TG. I know there have been a few name changes since I first came out. I couldn’t decide what I wanted to change my name to. But now I have firmly decided on GC or G. The thing that sucks is that I can’t discuss this with my therapist until Tuesday and my appointment with my pdoc is on Monday. I just don’t know what to do. I feel like writing her an email because I am better at writing than face to face confrontation. If it goes wrong, I know I am going to feel suicidal.

About G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about
This entry was posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, depression, mood disorders, transgender and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

7 Responses to Random 504

  1. Well that explains why I haven’t really been able to decide which gender you are LOL! I guess shrinks have their hang-ups too. I think it’s interesting that people seem to think that being TG is a new thing, when it’s not at all. I wish I could remember where I read about a famous man who morphed into a woman, surgically and all, in the ’50’s. She was clearly financially well off! It was some celebrity, I think. Good luck with your appt on Monday. If your shrink can’t roll with it, maybe you should get another one???

  2. Now that you’ve settled on your new name please do try to make the point to her, but not in an over the top way. Just a simple “Please, would you be good enough to address me as G (or GC) from now on? It’s important to me.”
    It will also be good practice for the future, because it’s something you will be doing with other people for quite some time to come.
    Good luck 🙂

  3. Write that email now and just let the pdoc know that, as part of your tg process, your name is changed to: xx. Then you can discuss it on Monday. We can’t have you getting suicidal over it 🙂

  4. I think you have gotten good advice on what to write and just shoot her that in an email. I am wondering if it could just be an innocent mistake. For one, if you have not legally changed you name, then all of your medical and insurance records are in your birth name so all of her records are going to have to pop up with your birth name. If she was cancelling lots of appointments that day, it could just be an oversight or a records requirement. It could also just be habit. I know a couple of T’s and as much as I 100% respect them and would never deliberately do anything to hurt them, because I knew them pre-T, I can sometimes slip up. I also find amongst the younger generation a movement to be gender neutral and use they, then, and their or “ze” and for those I have a hard time remembering because I am so pre-programmed to think male/female in our society. I feel so certain it is just something you can easily work out with her!!!!

  5. manyofus1980 says:

    as usual I am behind on posts. I hope the apt went well. I bet if you ask her she will respect your wishes. you seem to have a good relationship with her. XX

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