My psychiatrist cancelled our appointment for this afternoon. I get to see her early Monday morning instead. This turned out ok except I didn’t go to Starbucks like I planned to. I woke up early enough but the dang tireds got me and I couldn’t leave my bed. I kept waking up every hour saying “ok, just a few more minutes”, but those minutes turned into hours. I had an errand to do with my mother and finally was able to get up around 1245 to go with her.
I figured I would take the later bus but the clothes I was wearing were making me really hot (sweatpants) on this very warm day. I still have time to go catch the bus but I think I will go tomorrow or try to. My luck for going to the Square on a Saturday haven’t been too good. But I now know a way around it should I get stranded.
One of my twitter buddies was talking about suicide and how people blame the patient for not getting well in therapy. It triggered me big time as well as pissed me off. So I did a little ranting about it as it really provoked my thoughts on the matter. I normally turn these rants into a blog because there were quite a few good thoughts on the matter. But I am too lazy to collect them. No one responded to my tweets, not even my friend. Oh well. I guess I don’t write very well. But then I don’t have many followers.
This morning when my psych emailed me to change our appointment, I was very surprised she used my birth name. I have always signed my name as the one I plan on changing it to for the past year now. It was kind of shocking. I thought she was ok with my transgender status. Now I am going to have to confront her on it. I am really nervous because it will be like confronting my mother. We never really discussed names. I always call her doc. I never call her by her first name. I don’t know if, because we have known each other for so long, she is having trouble calling me the name that I chose or that because I never brought it up before, she just doesn’t know. Calling me by my birth name really bothers me because I hate the name with a passion. I have been meaning to bring it up to her because this isn’t the first time she has used my birth name since coming out as TG. I know there have been a few name changes since I first came out. I couldn’t decide what I wanted to change my name to. But now I have firmly decided on GC or G. The thing that sucks is that I can’t discuss this with my therapist until Tuesday and my appointment with my pdoc is on Monday. I just don’t know what to do. I feel like writing her an email because I am better at writing than face to face confrontation. If it goes wrong, I know I am going to feel suicidal.