psych appointment and other things

I will be so damn happy when my baby is back in my possession. Stupid Excel is having problems loading on my old laptop. I wanted to update a few files and I can’t because it won’t open.

I went to my psychiatrist’s appointment. It went well, though I didn’t bring up the TG stuff. It slipped my mind as we were talking about therapy and my horrible sleeping. She suggested I take melantonin. I have been afraid to take this because I am afraid it will have the opposite affects. And most of the time you cannot take it if you are on antidepressants. But I am not on antidepressants so there shouldn’t be any interactions that I know of. She doesn’t think the meds I take are causing me to be hyper. So it must just be the Bipolar in me. I have never had regular sleep in so long. I used to be able to sleep 12 hour days but that hasn’t happened in a very long time. She also warned me that the hospital is updating their electronic records system so it might be difficult to get refills, least from her because I guess there is a lot of clicking involved. She doesn’t like this system but it integrates a lot of departments that will be useful to clinicians. I have heard it is a pain in the ass from other departments. She told me that one hospital it crashed for several hours. Nice system. But as I know from experience, there are always going to be bugs when a new system rolls in. We had that problem in the lab when we had our new system. It took a long time to log in one specimen. The system crashed due to memory problems. It could only hold so much data before it crashed so it had to be purged every eight hours or so and took a half hour to do so. It was ridiculous. But the system got better as years went on. Hopefully when this system is online, my psych will get used to it.

I have been up since 0500 and I am so very tired. I had breakfast before 0700 and haven’t eaten anything since, except for candy. I am too tired to make a sandwich. My mother told me we are having lentil soup for supper, so maybe I will also make a grilled cheese sandwich so I get full. I need a nap because I have been going since 0800. I went to my appointment and then had to go over my father’s to do an errand. When I get there he tells me his liver doctor called. I thought this was weird because all his doctors know to call me, not him as he gets confused and doesn’t understand what they are saying. He told them to call back at 1300 when I would be there. Well, 1300 came and went and I was tired of being around him. He annoys me so much. I have no idea who called him as I called the doctor’s office and spoke to the secretary. No one that she knew called him. I told him if they callback, to give them my number and left. Then I waited for the bus and this young kid was asking for change. He ran into his buddy and I guess he gave him money because he bought a drink and then left.

My ankle is not liking me right now. It’s really not going to like me as I have been going up and down the stairs looking for the FedEx and mail trucks. Neither have shown up yet. I am still waiting for a check to come to me. It’s been weeks that I have been waiting. I know it will come when I give up hope it will come that day. I really hope the FedEx truck comes soon. I really want to take some pain meds and nap.

I didn’t ask my psychiatrist if she still wanted me around. I guess sleep deprivation really makes you forget stuff. I am going to ask my therapist this question. I just don’t feel like I am worthy to be seen by them. I am so tired of living. It’s just too painful.

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