Pearl Jam, Coffee, and other things

I woke up early and I haven’t been able to get back to sleep. So I made coffee. When I was done with my coffee, I had breakfast. I have been fighting a headache for the past half hour. I thought it was because I haven’t had lunch yet so I just made a cheeseburger. I am hoping that helps the headache.

I have been in a writing mood but nothing is coming to me. All I keep thinking about are owls and I don’t know what that means. I have been listening to Pearl Jam to drown out the voices in my head. They are just getting louder rather than softer. Having to deal with my father today hasn’t helped. I still got to call him back.

I don’t know why I am hearing voices. I know I am a little stressed out about some things that I can’t discuss on my blog. I have been writing in my journal but the voices are intrusive and want to know what I am writing all the time. It’s cold in my room and I don’t know if that has something to do with it. Just seems I am more vulnerable and I don’t know why. My psychiatrist cancelled our appointment for tomorrow so I have nothing to do. I might go to Starbucks, if I feel like it. I haven’t been feeling like doing much lately. I wanted to clean my ceiling fan today but said I would do it later and later hasn’t come yet. I am still feeling sick. My nose is still clogged up. I have been using Afrin as a decongestant but you can only use it for three days and I am approaching my third day. I know not sleeping isn’t helping this cold.

It’s a bit warmer outside than it is in my room. The heat system doesn’t work very well unless you turn the heat on 90. Then my room gets hot. So in the meantime, I got to wear layers. My feet are constantly cold now and I don’t know why. They feel frostbitten and I have them covered whenever I go downstairs. We have ceramic tile, which is always cold in the winter. This morning while drinking my coffee, I read “Explorations in Personality”. I wanted to get to page 100 but I bailed out at page 85. There was so much information that I needed a dictionary for some of the terms they were using so it was distracting me. I am still wondering where Shneidman got the list of 20 needs when the needs I read were not the same ones. That’s the only reason why I am reading this book. I always like to read first source information. I hope it’s later in the book.

I need to read “American Gods” later tonight. I haven’t touched that book in more than a week. I am charging the tablet as we speak. I have this book on Kindle. I am glad because I don’t think I can fit any more books in my room. It’s starting to become a library. I have bought so many books over the past several months and have no place to put them. One of these days I will clear my desk off and put them there so they are not on the floor.

I’m having a hard time focusing my eyes today for some reason. It’s probably because I am so damn tired. I wish I could nap but I am not sleepy. I hope I am not getting another migraine. That will suck. I had one the other day and it was not pleasant. Starting tomorrow, I got to try and increase my fluids. I figure if I drink at least 64 ounces of fluid for the next few days I should be hydrated enough for the tech to get vein for the contrast. I will be a peeing like crazy but I need to get my veins pumped up. I am really nervous about the MRI. I will need to take an Ativan and a pain pill because I can’t stand laying flat on my back for more than 45 minutes. The MRI tables are just not comfy. I also need to bring a face cloth as I am a little claustrophobic. Last time they didn’t have one and it was tough. I had to keep my eyes shut the whole time.

About G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about. also writing about my daily struggle with chronic pain and how it affects my suicidality
This entry was posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, depression, mood disorders and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to Pearl Jam, Coffee, and other things

  1. manyofus1980 says:

    it sounds like you were miserable then. colds can make you that way though i had one recently and man it was awful. i dont drink enough water, i need to start doing that and get more into me, i drink far too much coffee and tea though lol. XX

  2. Megan S says:

    Hope you start feeling better soon.

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