Random 688

Random 688

I woke up after having a weird dream about David Jobes. I dreamt I was following him around some hotel resort, trying to give him a book on back pain for dummies. He had a herniated disc and didn’t want surgery (who does, really?) It was a strange dream because my aunt and uncle were also at this resort where Jobes was. And the weirdest part was that I was talking to him like we were BFFs. I went back to sleep and then dreamt about making bagels. I woke up hungry so made a fried egg. That has been all that I have had today, so far. I am not really hungry anymore. I am wicked tired. My father’s doc called this morning looking for him. He wanted to know why my father hasn’t been back in the office since he has been off his INR. So I called the office telling him where he was and stuff that was wrong with him. I left my number in case he needed more information or wanted to call me. If he does call back, it probably won’t be until this evening.

My therapist had trouble calling me today. For some reason, she got a message saying that the number can’t be reached. I had to laugh because she flipped out. My cell number is the only number she has to get in touch with me. If she has an emergency contact, I don’t remember. She would have to pull my records to get that information and I am not sure she would know where that would be after 15 years of being together.

We spent the majority of the time talking about my father and I didn’t want to. I was so spent after session and wanted a nap but I had to go to Walgreens to get my meds. We also talked about being stressed out. I really don’t feel stressed, just exhausted as the last few days have been a whirlwind. I feel like it should be at least Thursday and it’s only Tuesday. I have been wicked congested today, more so than usual. The post nasal drip is making me nauseous, hence why I haven’t bothered to eat anything. I really just want a bowl of cereal and to call it a day. Except I don’t have cereal so that is going to be difficult.

I wanted to see my therapist in person but because I have been so exhausted, she is happy to do the phone the rest of the week. Tomorrow’s weather is supposed to be freezing rain and I hate driving in rain anyways. I don’t care either way. I can see her next week. I can’t believe it’s March already, or soon to be.

I am not going out today. I only went to Walgreens and that is my only destination. I am just too tired to go anywhere else. I just feel this heaviness on me and I am not sure if it is just physical exhaustion or mental, or both. Tomorrow I get to order my Amazon books. I don’t need anymore but I am just a book collector. One of these days I will sort them out and stack them in some kind of order. Until then, it’s wherever I can find a space for them.

My new Suicide and Life-Threatening Behavior journal came today. Nothing interesting, though there is an article written by one of the people I follow on Twitter. I might read that one. I have to finish Night Falls Fast first. I have just a few more pages and then I can move on to my next book, which will be A Common Struggle by Patrick Kennedy and Stephen Fried. I need a nap first and then I can read.

About G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about. also writing about my daily struggle with chronic pain and how it affects my suicidality
This entry was posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, depression, mood disorders and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to Random 688

  1. manyofus1980 says:

    Night falls fast is a great read. The months are just flying by. I cant believe its march already! XX

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