Feeling weird 2

Feeling weird

I just came home from running an errand for my sister. As I was approaching my house, I got a severe attack of dizziness. I swear I was drunk as I couldn’t walk straight or stand straight and felt like I was going to pass out. The feeling has passed but soon as I came back up the stairs, the feeling returned. I fear that if I lie down, I am going to pass out. It wouldn’t be a bad thing as I feel like crap anyways. But I am afraid of vomiting as I am nauseous. My back is cramping really bad. I have been drinking powerade because I think I am dehydrated. I also think I am going through withdrawal from one of my psych meds as I haven’t taken it all week. I skipped a couple doses because I just have been too tired to fill my pill box from the stress of this week. I plan on taking it tonight because this feeling of dizziness and shakiness and syncope sucks.

I had therapy today. I was feeling awful while I was talking with her and shouldn’t have left the house. I really haven’t been eating or drinking anything the past few days, though my urine is clear so I don’t think I am dehydrated, unless I am in renal failure. But I think I would feel a lot worse if that was the case. I had some pancakes for breakfast and some mac and cheese. I felt better after eating and thought I was okay. I didn’t expect the vertigo sensation to return so quickly. It seems to happen when I am in motion so I have been trying to stay still as much as possible. I’m also very sleepy.

I don’t remember what I talked about in therapy. I know we talked about my father some more and about what was going on in the Twitter world. She asked if my plans were still on and I said I don’t know. It depends on a couple of factors. I think I am not going to go through with it but I might. She wants me to keep her posted.

Published by

G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about. also writing about my daily struggle with chronic pain and how it affects my suicidality

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