Feeling Better, I Think

Feeling Better, I think

I didn’t have my eight straight hours of sleep like I wanted but I got five straight and then another three so I think that balances out. My groceries came and I got an extra 4 pack of bran muffins. I don’t think I will eat all of them so my mother had me freeze them in our dilapidated freezer. It’s going and my mother needs to get a new fridge but for whatever reason, we always have problems with the delivery.

I am still feeling nauseous today so I am just going to stay home. It’s not helping that the post nasal drip is causing gagging at times. I did a lot today, putting the groceries away and going up and down stairs. I had to order a burger because I have been thinking about it for some time now so that is what I had for lunch. I am thinking of having the black bean burger for supper. Depends on how hungry I get. Lately, I just have been able to eat one meal and that is it. I am done for the day.

I was going to go to my father’s to throw away some meat that he bought but I think I will do that tomorrow. It’s not going anywhere and he is still in the hospital so he won’t know the difference.

I took my psych meds last night and I am feeling better. Not 100% but close to it. I still haven’t heard back from my psychiatrist on the refill. I hope she checks her email soon. I feel really depressed today. All I want to do is sleep but soon as I lie down, my thoughts go in a million directions. Then soon as I get to the final drop off, usually forty-five minutes to an hour later, my phone or some noise will stir me awake and I can’t get back to the level of sleepiness. I don’t know how people can sleep for 15 minutes. If I sleep, I am down for the count.

I need to take a shower today but I think I will take one tonight. I am kind of sleepy right now and took my pain meds because my ankle is being a bitch. I should be knocked out soon. I still have the whisperer on and that is helping to keep my brain calm. It really helped me last night to get to sleep. I am hoping it will help me take a nap, too.

The new nasal spray is not helping my congestion 100%. My right nostril is still clogged and I can’t get it to open up. I want to use afrin but the NP said to stop as I was getting rebound congestion. I am passing little air and it’s so annoying. It’s not helping my sinus pressure that I feel or the sinus headache. I was hoping it would help the post nasal drip but that doesn’t seem to be happening either. It’s making me feel like I am coming down with a cold but I don’t feel like cold symptoms are there. Just the congestion.

Published by

G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about. also writing about my daily struggle with chronic pain and how it affects my suicidality

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