Sunday Blog 10

Last night I was a little bit anxious to sleep. I had a lot of thoughts running through my head. I didn’t know what to do first. The more I thought about things, the more energy I got. It was at least 0300 before I settled down for bed. I signed up for Netflix but didn’t have the patience to wait for the show to download. I think I am going to try again tonight and if the same thing happens, I am just going to cancel my membership before I get charged.

My mother called “looking” for me. I told her I was in my room and then she asked how my leg was. I told her it still hurt. Then she asked if the pills work. I didn’t tell her I didn’t take any. I just wanted her off the damn phone. She then tells me to tell the doc the pills aren’t working. Yea, okay. I asked her what she wanted and she said well, if you don’t want my advice…WTF Did I ask for it?? Seriously can’t stand her.

I watched half an inning of the Sox game. They were already losing 13-5 in the 8th inning. Pitiful. I heard from the group that I belong to that the starting pitcher didn’t care. No shit. He never does. I can’t stand him and we have him for another two years.

Last night in my anxiety ridden condition, I started taking notes on one of the books that I am reading so I can write a review. Frankly, the book is a piece of shit and is very misleading. This is without me even reading a single chapter. But I am going to read it to prove it’s a piece of shit.

Tomorrow I have the appointment with my father. All week I have appointments. Wednesday is the jackpot. I have three appointments that day. I am going to be so tuckered out it’s not funny. I will have a break in between appointments so I will go to Starbucks to keep myself fueled. I hope it’s a nice a day out and not snowy. I haven’t seen the weekly report yet. It was warm today but tomorrow is supposed to snow. Figures. My father is not going to like that. I got to call him and tell him where to meet him.

I really just want to go back to sleep. My mother is making a pot pie. I do but don’t want to eat. I had a bowl of cereal this morning and it’s all I had all day. Seems my appetite has gone back to one day I have it, the next I don’t. I’m still feeling depressed. And the guilts have crept in. I don’t know why I feel so guilty and I don’t know what for but I do. I also feel worthless, but that goes without saying. I emailed my psychiatrist to let her know these things. Mostly I do so I don’t forget to tell her.

any thoughts?

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