National Pi Day

National Pi Day

I didn’t have pie though I probably could have if I really wanted it. I was in no mood because I spent 12 fricken hours with my asshole father. I threatened I would hang up on my therapist tomorrow if she brings him up. I am so disgusted with him that I really can’t say anymore other than my day was wasted. I got nothing done that I wanted to get done today. I didn’t go to Starbucks this morning to write. I didn’t make phone calls I was supposed to make. Nor did I drop off paperwork to my PCP’s office because of this jerk.

I didn’t eat anything today except a cheese Danish. I did go to Starbucks, though not the one I wanted to sit and write at. I just had my soy latte while my sister dealt with dear old dad while I vegged out some. I am hungry but I also have a splitting headache and feel nauseous. So after this blog, I am shutting the lights and going to sleep.

I also haven’t taken one pain pill all day. Probably why I feel sick to my stomach. I wasn’t planning on being with my father 12 hours. It just happened to be that way because he is a fuck. I just hope my psychiatrist doesn’t get mad at me when I sent her the email I did. It was a vent of the blog post that is private. Only select bloggers have access to it. I am too paranoid that my sisters might get hold of it so I keep the key locked.

I really didn’t want to eat today. I probably would have if my day went as planned. I probably would have had my double smoked bacon egg sandwich at Starbucks before I started to write. But that didn’t happen. I am so damn angry it’s not funny. Bastard is going to drown in his own fluids and he doesn’t want medical treatment so fuck him. He thinks his doc is going to save him and only this doc. I have to laugh. My father has it in his tiny brain that he is immortal. Oh and there is nothing wrong with him at all. He just takes medication for his heart for nothing. Just a jest. To humor me and his doctors I guess. Bastard he is.

I told my therapist that she is not to bring him up at all or I will hang up on her. I am not wasting any time talking about today with her at all. We can talk about it on Wednesday when I am in a less private space to talk. I actually have no idea where I will be to talk to my therapist on Wednesday as I will be at the hospital for all three of my appointments. I wish I still had an office I could go to. If the weather is nice, I will be outside. Otherwise I will be scrambling for a space in a public area.

I need to take a shower tomorrow or at least cut my finger nails. I don’t know why they grow so damn fast. I hate cutting them but I must because I hate long fingernails more than ¼ of an inch. It’s probably smaller than that but that is my estimate.

About G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about. also writing about my daily struggle with chronic pain and how it affects my suicidality
This entry was posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to National Pi Day

  1. Ugh, sounds like your routine got totally jacked. I think these illnesses we suffer from really need routine and predictability. I for one get thrown into a tailspin if something seriously disrupts my routine. You’d think that because I’m a full time nomad that that would not be the case, but the fact that I travel seems to demand routine, or else I fall into a panic state.

    Do you have a small pill case you could slip into your pocket, or even one of those tiny plastic bags? I never go anywhere without a couple of ativan. Sometimes I really need them.

    Hope tomorrow is better. Do you have to schlep him around tomorrow, or is there any chance of peace and quiet? You probably already said that but I’m writing on my phone and can’t see your post!

    OK, now I’m going to bed. Here’s to better times!

any thoughts?

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