It snowed but It felt like walking in mud

It snowed but I felt like walking in mud

By the time I left my house this afternoon, the snow had cleared. It didn’t matter though. I felt like I was walking in mud the whole way to the bus stop. I really didn’t want to go to my appointment today. I didn’t want to see my father either. But I trudge through the mud I was walking through. I was really tired and of course, the NP wasn’t on time. I had to wait in the exam room almost 45 minutes for her. She attributes my depression as “stress”. I won’t be bringing it up with her again. She doesn’t need to know about my mental health as she obviously doesn’t give a shit.

I got my blood work done but it’s not in the computer again. Lab, as I found out the other day, has been having problems with logging so they are behind. I have been feeling off all day. Exhaustion has put me over the limit. And I got a migraine soon as I walked in the door at home. It hasn’t been a good day.

I was going to get my prescription filled today but the pharmacy closed. I didn’t get home early enough to drop it off. I will do it tomorrow morning if I have the energy. I haven’t been sleeping at night so the mornings really suck. I was hoping to sleep till 0900 and woke up at 0800 after falling asleep at 0330. I had gone to bed before 2200 because I was so tired but woke up to pee and that was it. I was up half the night.

Between being tired and depressed, I haven’t felt anything else. I think that is enough. I am going to take my night meds soon and call it a day. I need to email my psych and update her on my father. I don’t know why I do this.

About G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about. also writing about my daily struggle with chronic pain and how it affects my suicidality
This entry was posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to It snowed but It felt like walking in mud

  1. No, mud was good. I actually got what you were saying, but my brain is behaving tangentially tonight, sorry for the confusion. I got off on this whole image and couldn’t stop 😮

  2. There was no real mud. I just felt like I was walking through it as my legs were so heavy. It sucks. I guess cement shoes might have been a better description?

  3. Mud season. Ugh. And when all the snow starts to melt, the dog shit starts coming through. Long ago before global warming, the sidewalks of Cambridge used to be layer after layer of frozen snow and dog shit. Then as it melted in the spring you had this slushy mess with mud added. One thing I don’t miss! This winter probably snowed enough to do it, didn’t it? I hope you feel better and sleep better!

  4. AmberAHogan says:

    You’ll get through this! Keep on pushing! You survived today and tomorrow is a new day!

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