Memorial Day 2016

Memorial Day 2016

Today is the day Americans honor those that gave the ultimate sacrifice, their lives to their country in times of war so that we the people can enjoy the freedoms we have. It’s a solemn day. We have parades in their honor as well as decorating their graves with flags or boots with their pictures on them so they are not forgotten. Some are honoring those that have died by suicide after their service. It’s a tragedy that these brave men and women come home after surviving their wars and then kill themselves to relieve them of their nightmares. The latest count was 22 suicides a day. It is sad.

I remember while waiting for my transport to the hospital, I got friendly with another young patient who served and fought in Afghanistan. She was diagnosed with PTSD and bipolar disorder so received a medical discharge. Now she has no benefits from the military at all. I find this sad because a lot of vets are being denied services because of this. Sure, she didn’t lose a leg or an arm, but why should she lose her benefits because she has a mental condition. That is what is wrong with this country. It doesn’t view mental illness the same as a physical illness. It pisses me off. Until this changes, the more suicides are going to happen. And I am not talking just those in the military.

I woke up feeling blah. I really don’t want to do anything today. I made coffee because I thought it might change my mood. It didn’t. I did enjoy the coffee, even though I made it a little too sweet. I sometimes have a heavy hand when it comes to sugar. I am so damn tired though. I woke up around 0200 and then fell back to sleep about an hour later. It’s been a rough night. I had a weird dream again. It was about my sisters but exact what I don’t remember. I am feeling really down for whatever reason.

I haven’t had any breakfast yet. It’s around noon time now so I should be thinking about lunch. I have black bean burgers I can make. I also have enough leftover sauce to make a small bowl of pasta. I feel really bad that I can’t share my cooking with my therapist. Maybe next month. I still can’t believe how good the sauce came out, though it was more meat than sauce. It definitely calls for two cans of tomatoes. I really love a rich sauce you can stick a fork into.

This evening, I will be visiting my godmother. It’s going to be hard because it’s the first time seeing her since my father passed away. She is the surviving sister on my father’s side. There is just two of the eight left. I have an uncle in France and my godmother. It’s really sad. I wonder if the grief ever goes away or if you always feel it. I never really knew my uncles. They died when I was young, two died before I was born. What is really sad is that there were no sons born from my uncles. No one is going to carry on my surname. It’s just going to die out.

Published by

G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about. also writing about my daily struggle with chronic pain and how it affects my suicidality

5 thoughts on “Memorial Day 2016”

any thoughts?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s