Tough Decisions

Tough Decisions

Since Friday morning my back has been hurting moderately to severely. Saturday when I made the sauce, it almost went out on me completely because I washed the pots and pans. Today I made some pasta to go with the rest of the sauce and I am hurting. So I had a tough decision to make and that was to cancel my Zipcar for tomorrow to see my therapist in person. I don’t think I can drive for 45 minutes, sit for another 50 minutes, then drive another 45 minutes home. My back would kill me and I am already in no position to fight it. The temperatures have been made crazy with the humidity now creeping up.

I hated cancelling the car because I really wanted to see my therapist. I wanted to show her my writing of the story I am working on. But stupid back pain is preventing this from happening. I know once the temps level off I will be okay. I hate being sensitive to the weather changes but I don’t have a stable back. Just taking a shower today killed me. I had spasms in my lower back and could barely stand straight. I haven’t been able to stand up straight all weekend long. It’s been brutal.

My cousin called my sister to cancel seeing my godmother. She isn’t feeling well. I was so looking forward to seeing her too. She has been ill a lot lately but then she is 92. I am kind of glad I don’t have to get dressed and go out. My back would not be kind to me. I am getting a little bit of cabin fever though. I haven’t left the house since Friday. It’s supposed to be really hot tomorrow so I am not sure I will go out. I hate heat. Summer is not my favorite season.

Because of my back issues, I haven’t been able to clear my bed off to change my sheets. I was really hoping to do it this weekend but I wasn’t counting on being in pain. We did have rain for most of the morning and afternoon but now the humidity has been creeping up as well as the temp. It’s 74 degrees right now, up 10 from this morning. I have no idea if it’s going to increase or decrease for the night. I just know I need my pain meds and need to lie down. Maybe wear a heating pad too.

About G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about. also writing about my daily struggle with chronic pain and how it affects my suicidality
This entry was posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to Tough Decisions

  1. manyofus1980 says:

    its hard when things dont work out. I’m sorry you cant see your therapist. Hoping a phone session is helpful though. xoxo

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