Tag Archives: U.S. Military

Memorial Day 2016

Memorial Day 2016

Today is the day Americans honor those that gave the ultimate sacrifice, their lives to their country in times of war so that we the people can enjoy the freedoms we have. It’s a solemn day. We have parades in their honor as well as decorating their graves with flags or boots with their pictures on them so they are not forgotten. Some are honoring those that have died by suicide after their service. It’s a tragedy that these brave men and women come home after surviving their wars and then kill themselves to relieve them of their nightmares. The latest count was 22 suicides a day. It is sad.

I remember while waiting for my transport to the hospital, I got friendly with another young patient who served and fought in Afghanistan. She was diagnosed with PTSD and bipolar disorder so received a medical discharge. Now she has no benefits from the military at all. I find this sad because a lot of vets are being denied services because of this. Sure, she didn’t lose a leg or an arm, but why should she lose her benefits because she has a mental condition. That is what is wrong with this country. It doesn’t view mental illness the same as a physical illness. It pisses me off. Until this changes, the more suicides are going to happen. And I am not talking just those in the military.

I woke up feeling blah. I really don’t want to do anything today. I made coffee because I thought it might change my mood. It didn’t. I did enjoy the coffee, even though I made it a little too sweet. I sometimes have a heavy hand when it comes to sugar. I am so damn tired though. I woke up around 0200 and then fell back to sleep about an hour later. It’s been a rough night. I had a weird dream again. It was about my sisters but exact what I don’t remember. I am feeling really down for whatever reason.

I haven’t had any breakfast yet. It’s around noon time now so I should be thinking about lunch. I have black bean burgers I can make. I also have enough leftover sauce to make a small bowl of pasta. I feel really bad that I can’t share my cooking with my therapist. Maybe next month. I still can’t believe how good the sauce came out, though it was more meat than sauce. It definitely calls for two cans of tomatoes. I really love a rich sauce you can stick a fork into.

This evening, I will be visiting my godmother. It’s going to be hard because it’s the first time seeing her since my father passed away. She is the surviving sister on my father’s side. There is just two of the eight left. I have an uncle in France and my godmother. It’s really sad. I wonder if the grief ever goes away or if you always feel it. I never really knew my uncles. They died when I was young, two died before I was born. What is really sad is that there were no sons born from my uncles. No one is going to carry on my surname. It’s just going to die out.

about suicide

I had worked on Ramblings 15 today but have decided not to publish it because it is a rant more than anything. I have not been in a happy mood the past few days. Not that I am a happy person to start with, just that I have not been able to sleep at all the past week. It is driving me crazy. I sleep every few hours. It sucks. Last night I finally was able to get at least 5 hrs straight but I still am not in a good mood. I am not suicidal just crazy with sleep deprivation.

I did part of my Christmas shopping today. Now I am worried that I won’t have money to get my license renewed. I still have to pay off one more citation before I can get it renewed. Stupid laws in my state forbid any parking tickets or citations not being paid before renewal. I have to go into town sometime next week to pay off my last one. It’s not a huge pain in the butt but it kind of is. I am not sure if this place allows money order or cash. Some places don’t allow personal checks because they don’t want to deal with them bouncing.

The Savage God: book that I am reading, slowly, about the history of suicide. I find it very disturbing at times and have to read it in increments. It is a good book, just when you feel suicidal it kind of revs you up while you are reading it because you know exactly what the author is writing about.

Speaking of suicides, I recently read an article ( http://www.mcclatchydc.com/2012/11/27/175710/in-suicide-epidemic-military-wrestles.html ) that a friend of mine posted about how the military is now dealing with the problem. Court Martials and prosecution. Just what the mentally ill needs. I find it abhorrent as the suicide prevention has been set back by 150 years. Just when you think our military has been through enough, they can’t even try and take their own life without consequences. The message is, to me, do it right and die an honorable death. Fail and face prosecution. It is sickening. I don’t think it is going to help the rise of suicides post military service and I don’t think it is going to help those who work in suicide prevention and those that are trying to reach out for help.