Was having a good day…

Was having a good day…

The day started out okay. I got up, checked my email and stuff on my phone and wanted to get a coffee. So I went to Starbucks with my new psych book. I got the new cold brewed coffee with sweet cream. It was very good. I had two doughnuts because I was kind of hungry and today was National Doughnut Day. I read about 12 pages of the book before I couldn’t read anymore. By this time it was close to the next bus leaving for home. I decided to get something at CVS before heading to the bus stop. They had meatballs on sale so I got a bag and figured I would make sauce when I got home. I was feeling pretty good.

I got home and I don’t know what happened. My ankle crapped out on me soon after undressing and getting into my PJs. Forget about making the sauce. I wasn’t going to tax myself seeing that I was already in pain and would have to stand for at least 3 hours while the sauce cooked. I would be sitting down and getting up like every 15-20 minutes but still, it would be a lot of work for a small batch of sauce when my ankle was telling me fuck you.

So I took my pain meds and decided to back up my files on my laptop as I think I need a new cooling fan. My laptop is making a high pitched whine like an airplane taking off when it starts and stops. If I didn’t have to take everything apart to replace it, I would do it myself. But it’s too complicated for me and I rather have a professional do it. Which means, I will be out close to $300 next month to have it fixed. I need to ship it to Dell. I trust their work more than anyone else’s.

I wasn’t really hungry for lunch but felt like I should eat something as I hadn’t had a huge breakfast. So I ordered a pastrami sub and fries. Now I wish I hadn’t. I feel so damn sick because I ate too much at once. I couldn’t stop eating the fries. My stomach is doing flip flops. I just took a Zofran to keep the contents of my stomach in my stomach. I really don’t feel well. I probably should have stay out as I was fine while out and about. It was a nice day today too. Not too hot or cold. The sad part is, I think I will feel better if I do puke. But I hate puking as I am fearful my back will go out on me.

I don’t know why I feel so sick. This is the third day that I have eaten a meal and then felt bloated and nauseated. I hope the Zoloft isn’t to blame for this. Think I will skip tonight’s dose and see how I feel tomorrow.

Published by

G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about. also writing about my daily struggle with chronic pain and how it affects my suicidality

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