The things I find out through my blog and other thoughts

The things I find out through my blog and other thoughts

I know the internet has free content, for the most part. Any one can take anything from it. Pictures, articles, blogs, and the like. Today I found out that my New York Times article was republished through a suicide prevention network. I am no longer anonymous in my writing like I thought I was. I wrote to the network to tell them although I am flattered by being on their cover of this issue, I am also dismayed they did so without my knowledge, consent, or permission. I mean, they could have sent me a tweet or tried to contact me through my blog or something. I shouldn’t have had to find out through my own blog that this was published. It just pisses me off.

I am feeling better after I had my nap but now I can’t sleep because I napped. My stomach is still kind of queasy. I was kind of looking for a snack so I had three Oreos thins. I wanted more but didn’t want to push my luck. I feel ok but I am still kind of hungry. I am not going to eat because I don’t know what will happen. I didn’t take my night time dose of Zoloft because I want to see how I fair. If I don’t get sick after I eat an evening meal, then I know it’s the Zoloft making me sick again. I am going to take it easy tomorrow and try not to eat so much at once, even though I really didn’t. I just had a sub and some fries. I shouldn’t have eaten it because I wasn’t hungry to begin with. But I hadn’t eaten anything since 0900 so I had to eat something. I am going to eat the same things I had today tomorrow and see if I get sick. If I don’t, then I know it’s the Zoloft. If I do, then I know it’s what I am eating.

I got my pens today. For some reason, I was very excited about receiving them. I guess I am happy that I have them because one of my pens ran out of ink the other night. I had to replace the ink with the pen I just bought because I didn’t have refills. I plan on buying them on my next Amazon order. I should be banned from ordering on Amazon. You can get pretty much anything and everything. I just got like 6 items and it’s almost 100 bucks. Granted one of the items is a $50 book, but still. I can really go to town when I am on the website and I am bored. I usually save the items for later. I hope that my food processor and new watch isn’t caught in the storms that are affecting the Midwest. I am supposed to get them on Monday and I hope that I do.

Mohammad Ali passed away tonight. Seems 2016 is taking a lot of good people. I am glad that my father, though he wasn’t the best of people, is not alone. I never wrote up the story. Maybe I will after I finish this blog. I am wide awake anyways. It will give me something to do. I just hope that it doesn’t cause me to have PTSD symptoms.

Published by

G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about. also writing about my daily struggle with chronic pain and how it affects my suicidality

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