Saturday Blog 52

Saturday Blog 52

Despite going to bed around 0330, I woke up at a decent hour and needed coffee badly. I decided to venture out. The plan was to eat the same things I ate yesterday to see if I got ill like I did yesterday. When I got to Starbucks, I didn’t get the two doughnuts I got yesterday. I got one. I didn’t want to get bloated again. I also bought some ground beef so I can make my sauce and a can opener at Walgreens so I can open the tomato cans. Our electric can opener sucks and it took me a while to open just one can last time. I didn’t want to go through that again. So there went the money for my sub. My mother is making chicken stir fry so we’ll see how my stomach handles that. I plan on making the sauce tomorrow.

I tried to do some journaling at Starbucks and while I was waiting for the bus but nothing was coming to me. It was like my thoughts were blank. The editor of the Times got back to me. He said that after 30 days, the article is subject to any type of publication that I see fit. Seeing as I didn’t know about this publication, I am within my rights to have it pulled from the TSPN website as they didn’t contact me prior to printing their article. I did email them so I hope I get a response sometime next week. I am still livid that they did this. Luckily, it does seem like there was a response to their newsletter as I have not received any tweets or emails or blog messages concerning it.

This week has been a bad week for me. Not only physically but mentally as well. And today tops it off by getting my menses. I am so destroyed right now, although I am kind of shocked I am not horribly suicidal. I had a feeling it was going to happen because I have been getting cramps and my breasts have been hurting really bad. But because I am on the pill, it’s hard for me to know if I am getting it or if it’s just PMS like symptoms. I am not really supposed to have breakthrough bleeding because I take the pill consistently around the same time every night and also take pack after pack. I don’t get a break unless I start bleeding. So tomorrow, I am off the pill for a week. This means I need to be a female during this time period and I just fucking hate it. It is so demoralizing. I wish I could just get a hysterectomy. I am going to seriously talk to my repro endo about getting one. Then it will be one less pill to take and I don’t have to act like a female by wearing female underwear and using feminine products.

About G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about
This entry was posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to Saturday Blog 52

  1. manyofus1980 says:

    I am so sorry you have to act like a female when you hate it so much. I hope they dont last too long. Hope your sauce turns out great. xxx

any thoughts?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s