writing vomit

Writing vomit

I am being overwhelmed by pain right now. I think between the PT and going up and down stairs has taxed my thigh. It could also be a reaction to the testosterone as I had the shot yesterday. Thigh has been sore since giving it. I have to inject there because I can’t keep using my right thigh. I sometimes go to the TG clinic and have the nurse give the shot if I feel like my leg can’t handle it. The good news is that it will be four weeks before I have to use my left thigh again for injections. The nerve pain always makes me think something bad is happening when it is just irritated. I hate that PTSD gets activated by pain.

My niece brought up my Gatorade bottles that I ordered. I have plenty in my room now. It should last until next month. I am scared to look at my checking account because I know I am in the red again. There was no way to avoid it this month. I just have too many expenses and not enough income. If I could work part time that would help things but I can’t work at all. Just sucks that I am limited because of my physical illness.

I have been thinking of writing to my therapist but I don’t know what to say. That partly spurred this blog. I just wanted to write my thoughts because the COVID-19 shit is getting to me. I feel like I am never going to go out again except to medical appointments and that doesn’t seem right. I want to get a latte or mocha but I don’t think Starbucks is open. A friend was having serious trouble finding one for her latte needs. Everything is still shut down and I don’t think they are going to be open for another month or so. Schools are still closed. What is pissing me off most is that these states have to bid on equipment for their state. WTF. There should not be a bidding war when it comes to a person’s life for crying out loud. This is so damn wrong I hate the greed of these people. I had to mute the conversation on Twitter because it was bothering me so much. I rarely mute current events so for me to do this, you know it is bad. I muted the words for 7 days. I am sure that there are other words that will be in place instead of COVID. I know Coronavirus will be there too. It doesn’t bother me yet. But the buffoon in chief’s mishandling of everything is really going to cost American lives. So are the states that don’t have a stay at home order, like the idiots of Florida.

I invited family for a zoom meeting and didn’t get any responses to it but then I am not sure how the thing works. It doesn’t say that so and so is going just that I invited them to join. My sister thought it was tonight but I told her it was tomorrow night at 8. She said she would download it if she remembered. Great. I have my meeting with my psych tomorrow. It will be so good to see her again. I am not sure what we will be talking about. There is a lot going on yet there isn’t. I miss baseball so damn much. Sox had wallpaper of Fenway and I took one of the left field wall. It is the scoreboard and Green Monster. There has been nothing in the news about any sports other than the billionaire Kraft giving masks to the people of Massachusetts. He used the Patriots (football) plane to deliver the items from China. That is what medical personnel need is personal protective equipment (PPE). We use them in the lab all the time so I know what the term is. I can’t imagine working without that kind of stuff. Yet today the PT was in protective gear from me because of my MRSA status. I need to get cleared of it and I am not sure how. I need to ask my PCP. He works with infectious diseases so I am sure he can get me cleared as I have had two negative nasal swabs and no infections since that stupid nurse took my urine from the bag instead of the catheter.

Back has been tight all day and now I just want to rest it. I have no appointments tomorrow except for my psych but that isn’t until evening so I don’t care. She wants this to happen and I don’t blame her. I know she is worried about me. I just hope I don’t get hungry and need to make myself something to eat like last night. I have been getting hungry at night because I am not really eating during the day. I am craving an egg sandwich right now and it will be so good to make it tomorrow. I just hope my back is up for it. I boiled eggs last night and it killed me. Course with today’s rain it didn’t help my pain.