Can’t Stay awake any longer

Can’t stay awake any longer

The ballgame is at a checkmate right now. Both sides have only 1 hit and it’s the 6th inning. I can’t open my eyes any longer. I took my meds earlier than I usually do because I thought it was later. My mother usually goes to bed around 8 so when she came up the stairs, I thought it was around that time. It was 1945 or earlier, I couldn’t say. So my meds have kicked in and I am getting very sleepy. Update: 8th inning and the Sox have just scored 2 runs. They need 6 outs to clinch the division. Rally cap on!

Zipcar has changed my car to a Golf again. Least now I know how to start the stupid thing. New cars have weird rituals in order to start the car. It’s no longer turn the key. As long as it gets me to where I am going, I really don’t care how the car starts.

I overspent my check again. I have less than $100 to last for the month. Lovely. Guess I won’t be eating burritos whenever I want. I had to get coffee for home so I had to put more money in my Starbucks funds. Least I have my groceries for the month. I still need to get some pumpkin for my goodies. I really want to make the pumpkin cake again. That was really good.

My mother decided to spray some carpet cleaner on the rug that had some stains on it. Now the living room stinks of the stuff. My sister and I tried vacuuming the stuff but the stain remained. My sister is planning on getting the rugs professionally cleaned next week. I hope they can get the stain out. My mother doesn’t know this because she would have a fit and a half. It’s her Christmas present from my sister.

I’m still feeling pretty sad. I think my father’s grief is somewhere in there. I still haven’t cried for his loss. It’s hard to cry for him because I emotionally cut him off so many years ago. It’s hard to cry for someone who was never there for you.

I desperately need a shower but I am being stubborn about it. My left calf has been hurting me most of the day so standing is not cooperating with me. I have been trying to resting it most of the day. I think I put too much pressure on it with driving with the AFO yesterday.

I don’t think I can stay up to listen to the last 6 outs of the game. I am really tired. If I do, I will be overtired and then there will be no sleeping. I am going to try and sleep now.

About G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about. also writing about my daily struggle with chronic pain and how it affects my suicidality
This entry was posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to Can’t Stay awake any longer

  1. manyofus1980 says:

    I hope sleep was good when you dropped off. sorry moneys so tight this month. xxx

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