Random 566

I finally took a shower today and because our bathroom heater is still broken, I froze my ass off, literally. It wasn’t fun. I quickly dried off and got dressed. I then checked the time and realized I had just enough time to catch the next bus to the Square. I wanted to get some more Pike coffee and my espresso drink that I am falling in love with. It’s National Coffee Day, so I tweeted about having my four shots of espresso.

When I got to my seat, there was a guy there eating what I am guessing nuts of some kind and charging his phone. He was really antsy and made me nervous. I tried to ignore him as I had my coffee and pumpkin scone. I then tried to write in my new journal. I must have written a page and a quarter before I got tired of Mr. Antsy man and had to leave. I just didn’t feel comfortable. I felt like he could read what I was writing. I forgot to take my night time dose of trilafon last night so I have been unhinged most of the day, even though before I left the house, I took a dose. I just have been feeling paranoid and stuff. Doesn’t help that the voices have been loud and obnoxious with their commenting on everything I do.

I needed to get some eye drops and I love that I did everything through my phone rather than through Walgreen website. I had to buy 2 things of toothbrushes because I had to have $35 in order to get free shipping. I always forget to buy them so now I am stocked for the year! LOL

It is cold today so of course my lower back is hurting. I can’t stand too long without pain. It happened on the way home where my back decided to flare up on me. It was a long way home, even though I was only a block and half away. Think I will use a heating pad tonight. The stiffness in my left calf has eased. I am guessing the hot shower helped along with some stretches.

I wish the public transportation system would send me a letter soon about my disability pass. My current pass expires Oct 23. I don’t want to put a monthly pass on in case they transfer cards, then I will lose the pass. I think $20 should be enough for the month as I don’t use the trains as much. I mostly just use the bus.

Monday, I am supposed to meet up with some friends and go out to dinner. I will be wearing my AFO as I can’t trust my ankle without it. Since using it, I have been in less pain while walking but I still have flare ups at night. Seems lying down is a trigger for pain and even when I nap now, the pain is there. I can’t sleep sitting up, though I have tried. It’s only when I am completely exhausted do I get the sleep I need, pain or no pain. It’s not the way I intend on living the rest of my life. Something has to give. It’s been more than a week and the CBT people still haven’t called me. Nor has my PCP’s office called with my much needed strong pain meds. I hope they get back to me tomorrow, early enough so I can pick up the script. I can’t go Monday or Tuesday of next week because of commitments so the earliest I can get into Boston would be Wednesday and I might run out of my meds by then. I have just three pills left and if I have another flare up, I am going to use them. I hope I don’t get a flare up.

Published by

G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about. also writing about my daily struggle with chronic pain and how it affects my suicidality

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