Saturday blog Nov 4, 2017

I was having a fairly good morning until my pain hit. I went to nap and my big toe exploded in pain. It really caused my mood to plummet. After lunch, I took another nap. The evening shift nurse woke me from my rest to discuss my pain. I felt like she didn’t believe me. I’m so tired of having to explain my pain to every staff member on the different shifts. It’s like, don’t you read my records?

After I had dinner, I was getting sleepy again so I made a cup of tea. It was the last tea bag I had that was caffeinated. I didn’t think to pack more as I was running low my last admission. Oh well. Guess Lipton will have to do. I’m trying to get my cousin to visit to bring me some chocolate. If she does come, I’ll ask her for some tea as well.

My check in person is cool and my favorite mental health counselor is on this weekend. I really enjoy talking to her. She bought my 1st book. I tried to send her my 2nd but they had a nursing change and decided it wasn’t good to have patients give gifts to staff.

My mood sucks and I just want to die. I just feel so hopeless that things are going to get better. Just got to take it day by day. My pain isn’t so bad right now and I hope it stays that way. Last night it flared and I didn’t do so well. The staff didn’t know what to do for me. My idiot contact person jokingly said I should swift kick a wall. Yeah, that will help. I’m just frustrated with being here. Maybe Monday I can have a discharge date set up.

I talked with my mother and she asked why I went here rather than where my psych is. So in bad to go through it once again. I didn’t choose to be here. Hell, I didn’t want this admission to begin with but it was either go voluntary or be committed. So I’m just going to bide my time until I can leave.

There was only one group today. I think there is one tomorrow, too. I don’t remember. I was kind of sick this morning. I think the Zoloft is causing nausea. When I brought it up to the covering doc, he said to eat carbs. I told him I had 2 bagels for breakfast before my meds. Idiot. I’m not going to take it tomorrow and see how I do. My time on it might have run out. Another antidepressant bites the dust.

Watching some of the OSU game. They got killed by Iowa. So disappointing. The guy that served the meals is a buckeye fan. He said they weren’t on TV but I found the channel. I was getting impatient waiting for updates with the app and wanted to watch the game.

About G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about. also writing about my daily struggle with chronic pain and how it affects my suicidality
This entry was posted in Bipolar Disorder, Chronic pain, chronic physical pain, college football, mood disorders and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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