Category: chronic physical pain

Another Slow Day

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

Another Slow Day

I have been having another slow day where my thoughts are just not there. I was debating writing this blog. It’s just so hard to write when you can’t think of what to say.

I went to my father’s to do his pills for the week. There was a problem with the pharmacy so we need to wait to get all his pills. I will have to go back tomorrow, something I wasn’t planning on doing. I so wanted to spend the day in bed. Guess that will be Sunday.

I spent the rest of the afternoon in bed but I didn’t sleep. My head kept calling for my pillow but no sleep came. The pain I had flared up and I think that is why I couldn’t sleep. I barely ate today. I finished off the four ribs that was left over from last night and that has been the only sustenance I have eaten. I did drink an Ensure for my breakfast. I just am not hungry today. All I want to do is lie down.

I think this is the longest that I have gone without an appetite. This has been going on for at least two and a half months. I also have not had much to drink. I have been trying to drink some Powerade but have not been successful so far. I wanted a coffee but my choice was Dunkins and that is just a waste of money. I will try and make coffee tomorrow. It’s been a long time since I made coffee at home.

Walking today was painful. I felt like I was walking in mud again. It was raining and cold. I had an umbrella with me but it kept on going from a misty rain to nothing so there was no point in opening the umbrella. I felt like a zombie today. I really feel out of it and I don’t know why. My psych never responded to the email about the side effects. I hope I don’t have them again. They were awful.

I didn’t get my haircut today. I woke up too late. I am going to try to get it tomorrow morning before seeing my father. But it all depends on if I have energy or not. Right now, I can’t trust that I will have energy. Every thing seems so flat to me. I can’t be more descriptive than that.

I am entering my second week of Zoloft. So far it doesn’t seem to be helping any. And I hope the side effects I experienced last night weren’t a drug interaction between the sertraline and the abilify. That will suck. It was another question I asked my psych about but never got a response. Maybe she is looking into it and hasn’t had a chance to get back to me. I still feel like this medication is not helping me but I know I got to give it time. It’s annoying that you have to wait 2-6 weeks for something to help you when you feel so miserable. I still can’t believe I lost another eight pounds in a week. That will make twenty that I have lost since I lost my appetite over two months ago. I just hope I can keep it off.

Post 1668

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

Post 1668

As tired as I fucking am, I am can’t sleep. I just took my night meds so I am hoping they will knock me out some. I wrote to my psychiatrist telling her that my depressive symptoms are getting worse, not better. I also gave an update on my father as he was discharged today. No more running back and forth to the hospital, least for now.

I don’t have a lot on my mind. It’s so fucking hard when you can’t think. I really feel like I am doped up on trilafon but I’m not. It’s just really difficult trying to pull my thoughts together to string a sentence along.

I was having side effects of the abilify. It’s the second time in the last two weeks this has happened. I don’t know if the Zoloft is interacting or not. I sent off an email to my psych. The spasms are the worse than the string bean feeling in my extremities. Then I was having back spasms, too. I felt so uncomfortable in my own skin. I don’t know if it’s called akathisia or dystonia but it fucking sucks. I told my psych I had to take an extra Ativan to settle it down. I hate having to take an extra one so close to the first one but what choice did I have? It was three hours ago that I took my meds. The side effects woke me up from sleep. I have never had that happen before.

I feel so drained, like all the energy has been sucked from my body. I took my weight today and I am down eight pounds. I couldn’t believe it. I am getting closer to my goal of being 185. Not ideal but it’s better than what I am now. Maybe if I am down, I can get off one of my blood pressure medicines. I really would love to get off the labetalol because I have to take it twice a day. Sometimes I forget to take the morning dose. I am better at taking it with the app that I have but on the mornings when I have appointments or need to see my father, I forget to bring it with me to take.

I took some magnesium tonight to try and combat the spasms I was having in my back. I got to remember to take it because it really does help me. I remember reading about magnesium more than ten years ago and how essential it was in treating certain disorders. The author was advocating for a higher range of magnesium in the blood. I don’t remember his reasoning, but if I come across his article, I will post it. It used to be on the web but the website is no longer there.

The thing I am worried about is that my bowels weren’t feeling right yesterday. I had missed having an accident twice yesterday because of loose stool. And tonight with my night meds, I took my Senna. I was going to skip it but forgot. Now I am going to be house bound until my bowels let loose. I hope that by noon I will have a movement so I can go to my father’s to do what I need to do.

Meds have kicked in. I am no longer a spaz. Wish the meds helped ease the tension in my neck but I guess you can’t have everything.

random 325

by Midnight Demon, posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders

I was planning on resting today but I had to go out as it was 60 degrees. The rest of the week is a shit show of cold weather so I wanted to try to go out today. I went and got my roast beef sandwich with onion rings. I couldn’t finish the onion rings but I did the sandwich. I think it’s going to be the only thing I eat today.

I had therapy. Last twenty minutes were tough. I didn’t want to talk anymore. And she kept wanting to. I asked her why she still wants to deal with me. She said I was stuck with her, or something of that nature. I was feeling down and didn’t want to talk about it. There is only so much you can say when you are feeling down. She wanted to make sure I am still taking the sertraline. I don’t know why she has to ask me this every time I talk with her. And it’s not really helping me right now. I feel no difference.

My sister visited my father but he was having a procedure done so missed him. I haven’t heard anything. I haven’t called the floor to see how he is doing. I am taking an off day from him and will get the information second hand through one of my sisters.

I am still feeling very tired and I am in pain. My foot didn’t like walking to the roast beef place but it was worth it. I really like their food. I could have ordered from another place but it’s not the same. I don’t have anything to do tonight at all. I am just going to keep my foot up on my bed and the only time I will be off is to use the bathroom. Maybe I will get some reading done tonight. I can’t say for sure because right now I am having a hard time staying awake. I am just so tired.

I ordered my groceries and they are scheduled to come between 0730 and 930 tomorrow. Early start to my day. After the delivery, I plan on getting a haircut. Then I will come home, shower, relax for a bit, then go to the hospital. This is all tentative, except for the groceries, to how my energy levels are and how much sleep I get.