Tag: baseball

baseball and a suicide

by Midnight Demon, posted in baseball, blogging, suicide

I just realized it has been a long time since I wrote about baseball. A lot has been going on in the baseball world, mostly centered on one stupid, arrogant, idiotic player. For those that are in the US, you got it. I am Talking about A-Rod or Alex Rodriguez. I like to call him other things as this F***er is destroying the sport and I am not happy that despite his suspension, he still continues to play. THEN he gets beaned by one of MY pitchers and he gets suspended. Did this pitcher appeal? NO. He took it like a man and that was that. This punk (A_ROID) used PED (Performance enhancing drugs) after the MLB (Major League Baseball) ban on them and is still allow to play because he is fighting his appeal. I really hope that he get screwed big time and has to pay back the money he is getting paid for the games he has played. He is a loser and has been since he became a Yankee. I do not feel bad for him in the least and I hope that he becomes banned from baseball.

On another note, my heart has been heavy since learning of a suicide of one the actors from the TNT show Rizzoli and Isles. He has to be the what fourth actor to die in the last few months by suicide. He was African-American and only 29 years old. I don’t know how they are going to write his character now. I feel for his fellow actors and actresses and the rest of the crew. It really comes to mind the song “how do you get so lonely, and nobody knows”. A fellow blogger posted that song the other day and it reminded me of the lyrics to this song. I can’t think of the name of the person that sings it right now. He was popular for this song only. I don’t think the artist has made an album since this song. He is another one hit wonder.

The actor I am talking about is Lee Thompson Young. He played Detective Barry Frost. I loved his character. I just wonder why he didn’t reach out and get help. I guess we will never know as there was no suicide note found. Not like that makes a huge difference. A suicide is a suicide. He was handsome and talented. And yet he felt, I am assuming, in so much pain. Maybe there was another reason. No one will ever know. As far as I do know, there were no drugs involved. Not like that will matter when you think about suicide. People I think, in my honest opinion, would rather have the drugs or alcohol as a scapegoat to killing oneself to make them feel better. It helps to blame the drugs/alcohol more than anything else because even though no one is to blame for a suicide, people still think it was their fault when it happens. That if they just talked a little more to the person, asked questions, or did something different they could have prevented the person from killing themself. I don’t know if anyone knew he was depressed. I have been going over the suicide blogs on WordPress to see if anyone wrote about this. And one person just chocks it up to the race and the downside of how blacks are killing themselves. I don’t know it is true. I know what the statistics show. So this case fits perfectly within the statistical model of suicide. Yay, does that do anything to help his family? I doubt it.

book reviews and baseball

by Midnight Demon, posted in blogging

Starting to feel better finally from this weird throat thing that I have. Now I am just congested with either a cold or allergies. My throat pain finally dissipated sometime this morning so I can swallow a little better but my head just feels like it is underwater. The pressure is incredible. I just took a bunch of pills to make it go away, from decongestants to antihistamines to Tylenol.

I am still debating getting out of the house and going to the ATM to get me a steak and cheese sub. I am starving as I have not really eaten anything in two days. The good news is that I lost some weight and hope it stays off. My appetite has not been what is has been since lowering my anti-psychotic meds. Since I have been having trouble swallowing the past two nights, I haven’t really been taking my meds. It just hurt too much. I just hope there isn’t a big backlash to that.

I am hoping to catch a nap today as I woke up at 3 in the morning in pain again, this time it was my throat and not my ankle. I am really tired and maybe that is why I feel so sluggish. I know not eating has something to do with that as well. I had a bowl of cereal today and it went down ok. But now I am not hungry, even though I really want a steak and cheese sub. I still have some time though to get it. I might get it for dinner unless my mother makes something that isn’t pasta. I am sick of pasta.

I have been feeling blue most of the day. I don’t really know why. I guess I still am not feeling myself and am not looking forward to going to my father’s appt tomorrow. I wish I could get out of it but someone has to take him because he doesn’t read English and someone has to be there with him to know what is going on. He can’t be trusted to remember what the doctors say to him because he gets confused, but then he is 81 years old…

I am doing a favor for my friend in writing a review for her books. Her book about dog companionship has me going into her life more than I already know about her. It is kind of fun reading it because she has some fun dog stories which I am sure were not fun at the time they happened. On the back cover of the book cover, is a man in an ’04 Red Sox Championship T-shirt holding a puppy. It is the cutest and the pic took me back to when my boys won that Series. It brings tears to my eyes still every time I write about it, but then baseball stories will do that to me. I had watched the DVD of the ’07 Series and cried all through it because I remember what the team went through to get to the World Series and sweep the Rockies in the end. Good times!!

Tonight my Sox are playing Tampa Bay. I hate that team. Can’t stand the manager at all, never have. It used to be that it was the weakest link the in the AL East but now they have become challengers for contention over the years. I don’t know how that happened! Now the weakest link in the AL is the Houston Astros. What I still can’t believe is that the Milwaukee Brewers are still a team. I thought they would have phased out long ago but since they have been on the National League, they never play Boston anymore so it’s easy to forget they exist.

My friend in Chicago has just started graduate studies for a doctoral degree in psychology. I told him I would help him anyway I could so I am sending, or will be sending him, a couple of Jobes books to him for his interest in suicide. I think that the books I will be sending him should be standard textbooks for all those in the mental health field, not just in the field of psychology. I may be biased because I am a HUGE Jobes fan but as long as there is interest in the field, I say go for it!! I would like to consider myself the Jobes representative in the East coast, LOL.

RAMBLINGS 39

by Midnight Demon, posted in blogging

Watching my favorite game as I am typing this. I have not been feeling well the past few days. I didn’t sleep well Friday night and was pretty sleepy most of the day. I really tried to stay awake as long as possible but by 6 pm I couldn’t keep my eyes open anymore. I ended up writing three blogs that day/night. I was in pain and kind of pissed off with a report about chronic pain and suicide.

I really need to shower today as it has been almost four days. I just hate showering. I don’t know why that is. I think it is definitely a mental thing. I know that I can stand long enough to shower and dry off but it is just to me an inconvenience. I do wish there was a bathtub in my apartment but there isn’t. I just have a shower stall. I also have not brushed my teeth in the last two days. I am just a mess. I am glad no one gets too close to me. I have not been out since Thursday. I wanted to go out yesterday but I didn’t feel like it with me feeling so tired. Soon as there is a “boring” spot during the game I will take a shower.

This is my off week on birth control pills. I have to be off them for a few days to start the new patch. I am just worried that with this patch, I will take even fewer showers than I do already. I am just afraid that I will wash it away or worse that with the summer coming up, I will sweat it off. I hope that it stays on. The nice thing about this patch is that it is a weekly thing and I don’t have to take a pill anymore. I just have to remember to change the patch.

I hope that being off a week doesn’t cause too much bleeding. I am already annoyed and my skin is irritated by the pads. I hate being a woman so much it is not funny.

There are three top reasons why I want to kill myself: 1) psychache, 2) chronic pain, and 3) not being a man. There is no particular order of why I choice that order but those are the reason and it might mean one day I have more of a reason than the others on a particular bad day.

I had a comment today on my blog that said that he found my blog inspirational. I hope that it is to people. I can’t imagine that what I am writing is all fluff and stuff. I write from the heart and if people can’t get the message from that, then so be it.

I had almost 30 blog readers today. That is high as I usually don’t get that many on a Sunday. I will usually get less than twenty. But lately my numbers have been picking up, especially with my Google searches. I had fifteen the other day that lead them to my blog, from countries around the world. My top viewers are the U.S., Canada, and the U.K. I also get some from Australia and New Zealand. I get excited when I get the European countries and some from the Russia Federation. The nice thing about WordPress is that is keeps the statistics about the countries and when you display all, it is nice to see so many countries lit up. I had a Mexican follower for a few weeks. That was exciting because I have friends from Mexico.

The Indians have scored a home run and my boys are down by 2 runs now. And the Rays are chopping on the Skankees, 4-0. My boys might go into first if they are able to come back in this game.

BASEBALL AND MUSIC

by Midnight Demon, posted in baseball, blogging

Well, I had a good blog going for you tonight but then in the middle of writing, I was bombarded with text messages about my Sox. A couple of players are on the DL so they have had to make some roster changes, the worse of it is that they called up Alfredo Aceves, the pitcher I hate the most because he SUCKS and has a nasty temper and is crazy.

It is going to be interesting tonight because they are playing a rookie on third base. I hope no balls go down that line tonight. Last night they had a brutal loss to the Indians, 12-3. I fell asleep when they were within one, when Big Papi aka David Ortiz hit a 3 run blast. I don’t know what happened after that. I had two beers before the game so I was drunk and sleepy to begin with.

I went out for the first time all week today. I had a different coffee than my usual, called 3 region blend. It seemed no different than the regular coffee they serve. Certainly nothing to write home about. Will I have it again? Yes. I like coffees that are mild and not strong or roasted. Cameroon was the darkest richest coffee I have had and never will have again because it was so strong. But then coming from Cameroon, I should have known better.

I edited some of my blogs when I got home. It took me a long while to figure out what to write and then I get the biggest distraction of the day. Two players on the disabled list (DL), one activated, another called down, and two players called up. I was going bananas. I didn’t know why one of the two players were on the DL because I didn’t see the game last night. I was listening to it on the radio and I fell asleep. I woke up after the game had ended an hour later. I am so mad at myself for missing the game but I was just so tired after having such an awful day yesterday. I was just emotionally and physically spent. Too bad I woke up with my second wind at two thirty in the morning. I was not happy. I did some stuff though, like finishing the letter I had started to my therapist and played my games. I have two now. Pioneer Trail (formerly known as Frontierville) and Candy Crush Saga. I NEVER should have downloaded that game to my phone to find out what it was about. It is a bejeweled type of game but instead of diamonds and rubies, you have different candies you have to match up in threes or fours or fives. But you have a certain task on the levels and it is hard as you are given five lives to start. I don’t know how to request lives and I really don’t want to learn how. The game already drives me crazy because it is not as easy as it seems. But then, the same can be said with Pioneer Trail. You get missions like every three days, even before you have completed the ones they sent you a few days ago. And it is frustrating because you need your neighbors to help you. If they don’t help you out, you are screwed. A lot of players have stopped playing because it is sometimes so time consuming waiting for people to give you the stuff when you have other missions to work on. But it gives me something to do as frustrating as it is. It is a good frustration, if that is possible.

I walked a good distance today. So far I am not in any pain. I walked maybe 1/8th of a mile today. I had to because I didn’t want to wait 45 mins for the next bus. I am hoping if I don’t have pain tonight, I will walk it, if I have the energy, every time I go to Davis Sq. That will be my walk for the day. I have to build up my stamina and walking this distance will be great. The nice thing about this is that the sidewalks are level and not bumpy like other sidewalks in the city I live in. I can walk without worrying if I am going to trip on an unlevel sidewalk cement or not. I still have to watch out for the cars while crossing the streets but other than that I had a good walk, despite the showers today.

After I heard about my Sox, I couldn’t listen to country anymore so went to Pearl Jam, Linkin Park, and Nickelback. While I was setting up my playlist, Rock, I noticed I have only one stinking album for Pearl Jam! What a sin! Now I have to find their CDs and burn them so I can have their tracks on my phone. But the most important songs, like Black, Even Flow, Jeremy, and Daughter on there so I will only have to burn Vitology and Rearview disc 2. I got to have my Pearl Jam when I am in a BAD disgruntled mood.