Tag: MLB

baseball and burials

by Midnight Demon, posted in baseball

Again not having a good day. Woke up at 0630 this morning to pain in my foot. Took pain pills and went back to sleep and tried not to oversleep as I had an appointment with my psychiatrist today. Got up around ten, showered and got dressed. Decided to wear my AFO today with my shorts as today was hot out and I didn’t want to have a day like yesterday. Half way through my drink at Starbucks, my psychiatrist emails me to reschedule our appointment. I was kind of pissed.

Then I get the twitter feed about the stupid burial of the fucking terrorist has been sent to a cemetery in Virginia and I thought finally, there is some closure to this fucker. NOPE. The media had to stick their fucking noses in it with questions to the county, who didn’t even know the guy was going to get buried there. WTF. Cremate his fucking ass already. He isn’t a damn Christain. His body is already almost a month old and I know embalming is good but he must be decomposing while he waits this out. I am not saying I feel for the guy. I just want to stop hearing about how so many places have denied his burial. HE IS A TERRORIST. HE SHOULD BE CREMATED TO BURN IN HELL FOR ALL ETERNITY. He killed four innocent people and injured 176 other innocent people, some of whom have lost their limbs because of this asshole. Burying him is going to promote vandalism on his grave. I know I would like to piss on his grave. Fucker doesn’t belong in the ground.

Then I get another tweet about my beloved Sox and how they are getting scrutinized for playing good baseball for the month of April. Clay Buchholz gets named AL player of the month and then is accused of doctoring the baseball. WTF that is the most stupidest thing I have ever heard and it was not an umpire. It wasn’t the MLB. It wasn’t even a player or manager of the opposing team that accused him. It was a fucking reporter for the Blue Jays because we kicked their ass playing GOOD baseball. Then because David Ortiz went on a hitting streak, he gets accused by a BOSTON media announcer for using PEDs. Since the accusations, my Sox can’t win a game. They are currently on a losing streak and even though they are tied for first place, that holding might end. Tonight we play the Blue Jays again. Lester is on the mound.

My city gets bombed. And now my home team is getting accused of misdemeanors. I don’t know how much more I can take. I am an avid baseball fan. I love baseball. It is the one thing that brings me joy, even if my boys lose. I am still happy to watch the game. But come on. Leave them alone. If Ortiz is using, the MLB will find out. If Buchholz is doctoring the baseball, they will find out. But the mentality has shifted. I hope things turn around for them. Players are afraid to do good because they don’t want to get accused of something that they are not doing. It is killing me to have my players, my TEAM in this rut because the media needs a damn story. I don’t know what happened to checking the facts before sending out a story. I think that has gone out the window. And it is hurting the players and the game.

dogs and baseball

by Midnight Demon, posted in suicide attempt

I helped my sister out today getting ready for my sister’s communion tomorrow. It wiped me out and I have been trying to nap unsuccessfully. I think I did finally snooze out only to get rudely awakened by the neighbor’s dog whose bark sounds like he has bronchitis. I hate this dog, but then I hate all dogs who bark loudly and obnoxiously. I am definitely not a dog person. But I can stand to be around them. I have dogsitted a few times in my life.

Right now it is just eight o’clock. My allergies are going beserk. I have not stopped sneezing but I feel like I am going to throw up because of post nasal drip. My foot has decided to turn bitter cold which means when it warms up I will be shrieking like a fool because it will be hot as hell. The pain will soon start because it is cold so would like to take meds but I don’t know if I can hold them down because I am so nauseous.

I would like to watch the baseball game but I am so tired I don’t think I will make it through the first inning. This will be the first baseball game of the season that I will be missing. I might hear it on the radio. I have not decided yet. It all depends if this nausea goes away and I can take my pain pills and meds. The hockey game is also playing tonight. Bruins and Toronto. I am not a hockey person. All I know about hockey is that you have to put the puck in the net. That is all! I don’t know the rules, the positions, na-da. Well, I know one position, the goalie, but then who doesn’t know that! I am a 100% baseball person. I might not know all the rules but I know how the game is played. I still have no idea what the numbers are for the positions. I don’t really care. Shortstop to 2nd to 1st for a double play is all I care about.

I hope my boys do well tonight. I know that I am probably not going to be able to really sleep without checking the score now and again. I tried last night to not watch the slaughter but I still kept tabs to find the final score was 7-0. I just turned on the game and it is already 1-0 Rangers. UGH!! I am trying to have confidence in Lackey but it is hard to do. UGH and it sounds like Lou Merloni is in the booth with Joe Castiglione. I cannot stand Lou. He over analyzes. And I hate it when announcers over analyze. Guess that is all for now as I can’t concentrate with the game on :-)

post 274

by Midnight Demon, posted in suicide attempt

I’m watching the game right now so I am going to make this quick. I didn’t do too much today. I slept most of the day. Was not intentional as my little nap took four hours. I was lucky that my crops I planted before my nap didn’t wither.

I have my appointment tomorrow with my psychiatrist. Nothing has changed. My mood still sucks and I still want to die. Pain has been ok until now. It is creeping up there both emotionally and physically.

Because I slept so much I feel kind of groggy. I don’t think I will have too much of a problem going to sleep after the game. I guess I had too much of an afternoon yesterday. I got sick yesterday while having my coffee and had to rush home with the bowels not cooperating with me. I guess it wore more out more than I thought it did. I hate when I sleep all day because sometimes I have trouble falling to sleep at a normal hour. I also didn’t get anything done. I had wanted to go over the Aeschi book again to write up the highlighted sections I had made. I find this book so full of information and it is really packed full. It took me a full week to read it through. At the time the book came out, I was in a suicidal crisis so it helped to read how to get out of it without using the hospital.

My therapist is on vacation next week. I have a full week of no appointment from her. I do have just one medical appointment which I am hoping to keep to find out more about my ankle. I just hope that she agrees with my neurologist that I have CRPS, complex regional pain syndrome and not a mechanical problem with my foot/ankle like my PCP believes. If it was it would have been healed by now with me not staying on it. But with this weekend is any indication, I know that being on my feet or standing for too long will aggravate my ankle/foot.

Ramblings 31

by Midnight Demon, posted in depression, mood disorders, suicide, suicide attempt

I didn’t do anything today, again. I didn’t go out. But I wrestled with the bed to change the sheets and put clean ones on. For some reason my dryer didn’t pick all the lin off of them so I had to use a lint remover stick to do the job. Three sheets later my bed was free of lint. I don’t know how sheets can be so linty. I was going to vacuum my bedroom floor but that seems to tiring now. I might do it tomorrow as I wait for my grocery delivery. Tomorrow is a busy day. I have the grocery delivery, then therapy and then I got to go in town to meet with my father’s doctors about his cancer. It’s a follow up appointment so hopefully he is ok and that will be the end of it, though I know we will be waiting for at least an hour.

I emailed my last blog post to my therapist, who actually read it before session. We talked a little about it but she was starting to get annoying as she was interpreting things different than I was and I hate that. She doesn’t always LISTEN to me when I talk, which can make sessions very frustrating. She is the only therapist I EVER had that didn’t listen. But she will listen when I tell her I am suicidal but then she goes off and asks if I hear voices, out of the blue. Drives me crazy.

I still feel depressed. I still want to die. It’s a never ending battle. Today I was wicked nauseous for no reason so eating was difficult to say the least. I just sipped ginger ale. I wish I ate like this every day, I would be thin in no time but I know tomorrow I will be better and I will eat like I normally do. Trying to cut calories have been difficult. I have limited my soda intake. I have maybe one a week, minus today where I was drinking to keep from throwing up. I only had two cans.

I told my therapist that I wanted to call her last night because I was having a hard time. But I also said I didn’t because I didn’t want to bother her. She said she would rather know than not know. I guess next time I will page her, but it was silly because I talked to her that morning and then I would be talking with her today. To talk in between would have been stupid, or needy and I didn’t want to be that way. I rather tough it out. I ended up calling a friend of mine and he makes me laugh. We also talked about the Sox season and how the Yankees team is going to be different this year because their veteran staff are on the DL. HAHAHAHA. I was watching an exhibition game the other day and I hardly recognized anyone. Seems like Rivera is on his own. But I respect him, though he is nasty at time at the plate. Pitchers like that you come to respect. Just like I respect Jeter. He is a hard worker and respectful of the game. I think that has gone away in baseball. Very few players have it anymore. Varitek, Wakefield, and Lowell had it but now they are retired. I miss them very much. I do hope that Varitek finds his way back to the Sox organization. I also hope that Martinez doesn’t play the part of a clown now that he is back. Special Assistant to the GM. I don’t know, I can go on about my opinion about the Sox but I will just stop here for now.