Ramblings 23

Seeing as I didn’t go to bed till six this morning, I fell asleep only to wake up at 10 and then 12 then at 4. I didn’t go to Walgreens like I had planned. But I did take a shower and brush my teeth.
I watched the football game, well the Patriots one as always. I am so happy they won. It was an awesome game.
At around 5 this morning I took some more neurontin, about 1500 mg. that is my normal dose. I took it to get some sleep but it back fired and I hardly slept at all. I am just so tired even though I slept in intervals. I hope I don’t have an all nighter tonight. I am feeling still out of it like Neurontin makes me. I keep bumping into things like a drunk person. My mother mad me mad and so I punched the wall. She was blaming me for the settings on the tv. She messes them up then blames me for it. I hate her for it. And it’s so damn simple if she would just pay attention but no it’s better to yell and scream at me for doing something that I didn’t do.
I see my psychiatrist tomorrow. It is going to be interesting because my therapist left her a voicemail and I sent her one of my blogs. She didn’t send the police after me so I guess that is a good thing. But she does know about my plan to kill myself later this year is all doesn’t go well. Right now that plan seems far away. I know some people will hate me for it but if I can’t be who I am going to be then I am just going to end it. Screw everything. I won’t have a life anyways.