my thoughts for the day

Today was a snow day. I didn’t go out because it was plain yucky out with freezing sleet and rain at times. I have to go out tomorrow so that will be better. I plan on taking a shower tonight so I don’t have to take one in the morning. Sometimes a shower can exhaust me so it is kind of good that I take it at night.

I started writing another paper on suicide. I don’t know where it is going but I decided to define some terms that I think will be valuable and then take it from there. I have to remember to put in copyright at the end of the paper so no one steals my work. I know it could be “stolen” anyways or parts of it very easily with copy and paste, but at least with the copyright it might prevent that from happening.

I made some progress with one of my characters with my game that I play. I am glad I did cause I didn’t think I could as I don’t play it very often. I have three Facebook accounts for this game so I can get the stuff I need to play. Between the four accounts, I use it to advance in the game as best I can. Course I have other player that help out too, but not so much for my other accounts.

Because today was a snow day, I didn’t have therapy this afternoon. I am glad because I was already in a bad mood this morning. I really wanted to go out today but I couldn’t because of the snow. Hopefully tomorrow I will be able to get to McD’s and get a cheeseburger. I have been thinking of it every time it comes on the radio. I know they are bad for you and everything but they just taste so good.

I tried working on my book today but that didn’t happen. I need a break from it for a little while. It is stirring up too much stuff.

I don’t really want to go to group tomorrow. I just feel like I opened up tomorrow and I need more time to process what I said. I just feel really terrible that I talked about transgender and didn’t get a trip to the hospital. It was really weird. I thought I would go in the hospital because people don’t talk about it. My therapist was telling me that Kelly Curic had done a segment on kids that were transgender. That is all well and good but I didn’t have that growing up. I couldn’t express my feelings because it meant I would get smacked in the mouth. Nor did I have the words for what I was going through. I just knew that I was a guy at a young age but I was forced to conform to being the sex I was born with. I had to act like a girl. I couldn’t play sports I wanted to. I couldn’t wear the clothes I wanted to. I couldn’t even wear a baseball hat. My father threatened to cut them all up if he saw me wearing one. So I couldn’t be who I really am without having physical violence with my parents. It killed me whenever he threatened to destroy my property. I just wanted to die all the more. I figured what would be the point in living if I couldn’t be who I was. I envy the kids today that are getting the support and transitioning that they are doing. I wish I had that growing up.

any thoughts?

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