I woke up in pain this morning so took some pain pills. If I had known they were going to make me drowsy all day, I wouldn’t have taken the two. I have been asleep on and off for most of the day. I slept so much that it’s too late now to have a cup of coffee. I was looking forward to making it. I will tomorrow.
While I was waiting for the meds to work, I started writing a letter to my therapist. I don’t think I wrote very much as the meds worked faster than I thought it would. I will go back to it sometime later this evening to finish it off. I am almost up to ten pages and I think that is enough for one envelope. I didn’t write all in one sitting. It is an accumulation of the last several days. I figured I would just have it all in one document rather than have several documents and then print each one. When I do get up to ten pages, I will then print and mail it out. This is the second packet of letters she will be getting. She is gone this week so will have another packet sent sometime next weekend. She will have a lot of reading to do when she is back, but she wanted it. I warned her there would be a lot of writing. I just wish the writing was useful so I could use it for my book. I wanted to do some of that kind of writing today but it didn’t happen. I need Hyde to write and he has gone underground or something. He is my muse as well as an “alter”.
It is wicked humid, so humid that my room is barely cool. I have the AC on medium and at 62. It’s fighting to keep the room at this temp. The whole house is so hot, I don’t know how my mother can stand it. But she refuses to have an AC because she doesn’t like the cold and the electric bill that follows. Weirdo she is.
Baseball game isn’t on until eight. I have no idea what to do with my time. I just have been on Twitter and FB. Neither have been really interesting. I missed the BPD chat on Twitter. I always forget because I have dinner the same time as the chat so I miss it. Tonight’s topic was on friendships and it was interesting with lots of discussion. I like this chat because it’s my one time during the week I get to socialize with people with similar issues. I don’t have BPD, but I used to have the traits (meaning I met some of the criteria for the disorder but not quite).
I read on Twitter that a mother was arrested at a food court with her children 30 feet away while doing a job interview. What bothers me is that this mother is black. If she was white, I doubt anyone would have batted an eye. Now this woman has a criminal record, which no employer wants, and how is she supposed to care for her kids now? Child services most like will be on her tail and she may not even have custody anymore. It’s just sad. I don’t agree with what she did but 30 feet is not far, in my opinion. It wasn’t like what that other mother did, leaving the kids in a hot car while going on an interview. That was terrible.
Because I have been so sleepy the last few days, I haven’t been reading much. I finished Uncle Tom’s Cabin finally early last week. I have been trying to get into Neil Gaiman’s “American Gods” but the book is very weird and strange. I have to put the book down after I read a chapter. Since the last time I read it, I haven’t been able to pick it up. I have the “Game of Thrones” book but that one is more scary than strange. I really want to read Harry Potter but I don’t have the books with me and I don’t know where they are. I want to buy the paperback collection on Amazon but I don’t think I will be able to afford it this month. It is my “being alive” reward to myself. I probably will be able to get it next month, if my finances cooperate. I have to get a BP monitor so I can watch my heart rate and check my blood pressure when I have pain spikes. My old machine died and I really need to get it replaced. Walgreens had the machine for $90 but the same model on Amazon was less than half price. Score for me! It is a wrist monitor so I don’t have to struggle with getting the thing on my upper arm. I don’t know how reliable these things are as who takes the blood pressure from the wrist? But it must be accurate as my friend, who also has high blood pressure, uses the model I am getting. I just hope I am not wasting my money on it.
I had a friend that I had to cut ties with because she always and only calls on me when she is in crisis. The last time we talked, I was trying to get her not to cut. She cut anyway despite my attempts to tell her that if she did, our friendship was over. I had to do something DBT like to get her to stop the cutting impulse and I failed. She recently tried to contact me again, not understanding why I was so upset with her. I haven’t responded to her messages because I just can’t handle her right now. I am struggling with my demons and it would be foolish to try and help her when I can’t even help myself. I feel really bad about not helping her but I won’t stand for someone injuring themselves while trying to help them. That’s just wrong in my book.