Sleep Eludes Me

Sleep Eludes Me

I had about a three hour nap. I woke up coughing for some reason and now my foot has decided to ache again. I guess the pain meds wore off. The weather is to blame for this. I keep thinking I did something wrong with the disability papers, that I wrote something that I shouldn’t have or that I didn’t give them enough of what hell I am living. I wish I could die right now. I hate having this pain in my foot. It is quite severe. But it only happens at night. Never during the day when I am likely to see a damn doctor.

The coughing scared me because I couldn’t catch my breath. I don’t know if I was choking on my spit or air. It’s all hazy now. I guess I got the rest I needed for the day as I woke up around 0420. I don’t remember what time I fell asleep but I know it was around 0100 or later. I was fighting sleep then because I was in pain. Then it occurred to me that I should probably lay down and maybe I will pass out and I did. Only to wake up three fucking hours later. UGH.

I don’t want to get out of bed. I am still kind of sleepy and know that my pain meds will kick in shortly. I really need sleep. I want sleep. I don’t want to stay up all day with just three hours of sleep under my belt. It’s pissing me off that I can’t sleep right. And all because of fucking pain. I keep hearing Adele’s voice in my head. Her songs from her album are shuffling in my head as if they were playing. I don’t want to listen to music right now. It might wake me up and that is something I don’t want to happen. I don’t know if this music is normal or psychotic. It keep changing and the lyrics are the same so I am guessing it’s normal except the volume is on high. The lyrics are the same. They aren’t twisted as if they are talking to me or anything. I hate when music “talks” to me or has hidden meanings for me. It ruins my appreciation for the music. The last time music had its twisted themes and meanings, I ended up in the hospital. That was when the song “sirens” by Pearl Jam was stuck in my head, and I mean literally. Even if I played it to get it out of my head, it would still talk to me.

My blog about hygiene was posted in a mental health blog. I am either in the “leisure” section or the “entertainment”. This time I was in the “leisure”. I didn’t think that blog was so great, but I guess someone thought it was.

I got to do another grocery order. I am down to my last box of cereal. I am also going to try and get the slim fast stuff. I need to try and lose weight so my pants fit me again. I refuse to go up another pants size, especially after I bought three new pairs of jeans. I will try and get salad as well. I like having baby spinach but my damn mother ends up boiling it. It so frustrates me. I also need to get my cream and almond milk. I really like the almond milk, though I don’t think I am going to get the one with honey again. It just has a weird after taste. I should also get soy milk as I like that as well. I like the chocolate one and can suck it down like it’s going out of style.