early day for nothing

Early day for nothing

I’ve been up since 6. I don’t remember why I woke up. I couldn’t go back to sleep. So I got ready to go out and waited for the bus. My mother wasn’t even up yet. I brought the POS, hoping I would spend a few hours writing. But I was so drained and the espresso wasn’t helping. I was getting aggravated and pain was starting to get unbearable. I brought my pain meds with me but I wanted to go to my bed. I left and then picked up my screen before heading home.

The cousin I was trying to avoid was still there. If I had waited another half hour, I could have missed him. He brought up that I wrote a book and my aunt was shocked that I was published. I gave them a copy of my books. My aunt, like my mother, wanted me to write about something joyful. Then she said I should write about the family and I told her flat out no. I was so stressed I signed the books then went up to my room.

I tried to nap but the pain got worse. I was hungry but didn’t know what to eat. I wanted burgers but didn’t feel like ordering them. I had food so it was just a matter of deciding what to have. My mother made tuna the other day so I had that with crackers. There were hot peppers in it and my stomach didn’t agree with it. My mother was saying that she wanted mac and cheese. I thought she was going to make it her way, which is just elbow macaroni with American cheese melted on it. It’s really good. But she wanted the Kraft mac and cheese I bought. I made it and she complained. Never fails. It is a box, all you do is make the pasta, add the cheese, butter, and a little milk. That is it. It was too salty and I put too much milk. Oi Vey. I told her to just eat it. Next time she can make it.

Despite it being somewhat warm, my room is cold. I didn’t put in the screen because my foot was too cold. It still is. I got it warmed up and I took off the thermal socks. It’s my bad foot so there is nothing I can do. I have it under the heavy fleece blanket and it is still cold. Fucker. I will put the socks back on.

Sox play the Skankees tonight. I am kind of nervous/excited. I want to listen to it. We are one game ahead of the Skanks. These games will be a fight for 1st place in the East division. I really don’t want them to take over when we have had it all this time. But we’ll see. Just hope it doesn’t keep me up all night. I can get either excited or mad and then won’t be able to sleep after the game until I calm down. HAHA. True fan.

Published by

G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about. also writing about my daily struggle with chronic pain and how it affects my suicidality

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