So I went out

So I went out

I didn’t feel like going out today. I really didn’t. I wasn’t feeling good from the migraine I had this morning and my stomach felt off for most of the day. I barely ate while I was out with my friends for dinner. I took it home what I couldn’t finish. It will make a nice lunch tomorrow. But I had a good time and now I feel better, physically even though my ankle is being a brat. Tomorrow I have a longer day. I just hope I am up to the task. I see my psychiatrist in the morning. Therapist around noon time and then my father. I have switched my days going over to his apartment because of his little trip to NY with his GF. I can’t even spell it out because it makes me sick when he is with her. She is a nice lady and all, don’t get me wrong. But she will find out how rascally my father is one day and she is going to get hurt. I feel bad about this because it has disaster written all over it and she can’t see it. But they are having fun for now.

I was 45 minutes early for the next bus so decided to take a cab home. I am glad I did because I had to pee and waiting 45 minutes with my nerve condition would have been torture. I went and there was bleeding. I missed one fucking pill because out of it and I am bleeding already?? WTF. So I am not taking my meds tonight. Only Ativan because my back spasms are horrid. I even drank Gatorade today. I don’t know why I was cramping up. I drank a lot of water at the restaurant (hence why I had to pee). I didn’t drink any alcohol and I wasn’t up for it even though they were giving samples of it. I got carded. 40 years old and I got fucking carded. Unfucking real. The lady was doing math in her head and she couldn’t believe my age. I look young, what can I say?

I had therapy today. My therapist was in one of her moods where she talked and I listened. I didn’t care because I didn’t feel good. She kept asking me questions and I would answer them. Then she asked me what I was reading and I said you are just going to laugh. She laughed. I didn’t find it funny. She said it was to get it out of her system. Yea right. And the Pope is Irish. I told her about what I was reading even though she was laughing at my selection. She also asked if I was writing. I told her I wasn’t and she said not even blogs? I said yes to the blogs which I got a “oh” response. Like my blogs are nothing.

She asked if I was suicidal and I said I just want to die. End of story. She didn’t go into her tirade of questions afterwards for which I was grateful because it annoys me. I told her I didn’t shower today and had no plans to. I told her last time I did was Sunday. She was okay with this. Though I should shower before going to bed. I will take it in the morning. I did change my stupid underwear to female. I really want to fucking die now. I should have worn a diaper tonight. That would have been the ideal scenario. But I was too lazy to so I had messy drawers after my night out. Fuck.

It was warm today. I was bundled up like it was freezing out and it was in the 50s. Damn weather. I sweated my ass off. Another reason I should shower but I don’t fucking care. One night being dirty isn’t going to kill me. Several nights, that is a problem. But one night, I don’t think so. I still can’t believe I am bleeding though. WTF. After missing just one hormone pill? And it’s only Tuesday? I took two last night to catch up. A lot of good that did me. I am just so damn pissed.

I got email confirmation my doctor’s office can read an email! I got a 90 supply of one of my blood pressure pills. I am thrilled because now I don’t have to pay $20 for a 30 day supply, which is ridiculous! They messed up my other blood pressure pill but it’s still not as expensive as the 90 day one, and I got a 2 month supply so that was something. I just hope the stupid Walgreens alert refill doesn’t go off. It drives me crazy, especially when it goes off telling me to refill the meds I just picked up! Something is wrong with the app. I might have to uninstall/re-install it and see if that helps.