Sleepy Friday

Sleepy Friday

I didn’t get enough rest most of the week so I think today made up for it. Plus my back has been on and off cramping and in pain. I wanted to make pancakes for breakfast but I couldn’t stand up straight so I made an egg burrito instead. I planned on making the pancakes for lunch but that never happened. I am not even hungry and it’s close to dinner time. My mother will be making fish.

I still think my back is out of sorts because of the damn weather. It keeps fluctuating between 10-15 degrees, enough to cause havoc on me. My ever so understanding mother, keeps telling me to get a back brace, like that is going to solve the problem. I didn’t tell her my back was the reason I was sleeping all day or why I didn’t go out. She just doesn’t fucking getting and I am tired of explaining myself to a dead horse.

I found out today that Harper Lee passed away today. I am glad she wrote her second book before she died. I had read “To Kill a Mockingbird” in high school. It was a very good book.

I sent out my last blog to my psychiatrist but omitted the last paragraph. I don’t know if she read it or not as I haven’t heard from her. I was hoping she would be back in the office this week but I guess not. I hope her family member is not deathly ill. I will feel really sad.

I started writing a therapy journal in one of the composition notebooks that I have. I am going to record each session after they happen just so I know what goes on. Then I can blog about it, if I choose. I had the idea that it might work so that I can remember more of what happens in therapy as soon as I hang up, my thoughts go out the window. For once, I would like to jot down my thoughts and see where they lead.

I had taken a Zyrtec D pill yesterday because I thought it would help with this damn congestion that I have. Wrong. It helped relieve the sinus pressure a little bit but now I am all clogged up again and can’t breathe through my nose. I can’t use Afrin because I don’t have an airway to breathe in the medicine. I just have to wait and I am getting impatient. But my nose is running just fine with mucus, despite being clogged. I guess I rather have it in the front of my throat than in my back. If it was the reverse, I might be puking/gagging. I want something warm, like a hot chocolate or tea. Maybe when I go back downstairs, I will make it. I have been wanting a hot chocolate all day.

I can’t wait till Monday. I have the meeting with my NP and I hope she can give me something for this. My ears have been off with all this congestion. Last night it was so bad I was contemplating going to the urgent care center they have by Walgreens. It just opened up a month or two ago. But I haven’t been feeling good to walk anyways, even though I would love a Mountain Dew right now. I hope my back is better tomorrow so I can go out and maybe get a latte.

Published by

G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about. also writing about my daily struggle with chronic pain and how it affects my suicidality

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