Long Day 2

I had a very long day. I spent the early afternoon at Starbucks, where I wrote in my journal for a couple of hours. I then went to the hospital to see my father. They wanted to discharge him tonight but I convinced them to keep them one more night, just to be on the safe side as he lives alone. Then my sister took us out for dinner and drinks. I had a margarita that was not a good one. The stuff in the pre-made bottle was better than the one I had. It was such a waste of money.

All day today there were suicide prevention conferences that I was retweeting the tweets from. It was good information that I thought I would pass along. I have another book that I want to get but it doesn’t matter. I probably won’t ever be a clinician like I hope to be one day.

As I was visiting my father, the nurse for the patient in the next bed had to redraw the patient because “the lab lost the previous bloods”. A million scenarios went through my head as to why this happened. First off, it was only 2 hours old so the lab probably didn’t get it yet, the nurse put the wrong labels on the patient, misidentifying him, or the labs were there but haven’t been logged in yet. I had to hear how she “gave the lab a piece of her mind”. I so wanted to say something but the nurses on this floor are so stupid when it comes to lab work. Hell, she couldn’t even explain why the guy had a GI bleed so I knew she wasn’t the smartest apple in the crowd. What I would have given to say to her what I was thinking. I will never know the truth of what happened with those bloods.

I emailed my psychiatrist about everything that went on with me this week. I told her I haven’t been eating and have lost weight. I just have zero appetite and then when I do eat, I can’t finish what I made. Tonight my sister took us to my favorite wing place. Usually I can finish the wings. There are like eight pieces. I must have eaten five before I was full. I barely touched the rice it came with. It was the only thing I had to eat today. I also told her about the syncope episode I had the other day. I know it’s probably due to me not eating regularly. I mentioned that I haven’t been taking my meds either, consistently this week because I am too tired at night to count out 12 pills, that because of my father’s hospitalization, I couldn’t fill my pill box Sunday. I hope she doesn’t reprimand me. I am too depressed for it to go well.

I feel like I lost a week because I have been back and forth to the hospital and doing things for my father. It’s just been a long week. I haven’t done any writing and I am sad because of this.

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