Saturday Blog 44

Saturday Blog 44

Spent the morning getting my father settled back home. He was discharged today from the hospital. I am sure tomorrow I will be getting a phone call from the visiting nurse to go over everything, again. He is resting now.

I got home and was very hungry. I had a muffin for breakfast with some almond milk. I hadn’t eaten anything else. My damn mother kept on asking me questions and I had to repeat the answers twice because she didn’t hear me the first fucking time. When she asked me her final question, I screamed the answer so now she thinks something is bothering me. Yea, you being deaf!! I feel like Jacob two-two every time I talk to her. It’s just so annoying having to repeat yourself every time I talk to her. I just wasn’t having it today. I was tired and hungry and she was preventing me from making a damn sandwich because I kept having to repeat myself.

I plan on having some ice cream later. I just hope it’s not soup because the freezer is breaking down. My mother still hasn’t bought a fridge yet. I wish she would just order it online but she is so damn stubborn. She has to see it with her eyes and physically touch it to buy the thing.

I am exhausted. I didn’t sleep very well, again, last night. Probably another reason why my temper is short. My back is cramping again. I think I got to restart taking magnesium supplements. I was doing good with taking them but stopped because the cramps went away. Now they are back.

I filled my pill box for the week. Now I don’t have to play hodgepodge. I don’t know what kind of state I will be in tomorrow so decided to do it today. I plan on taking some Neurontin so I can zone out. Nerve pain is being a bitch. Of course, the weather is wrecking havoc on me because it’s fucking cold today and then will be close to 60 degrees tomorrow. A 30 degree difference. My back and ankle just can’t handle that kind of change in one day.

My psychiatrist got back to me last night. She says she hears me about all that I have been going through. She didn’t seem concerned that I wasn’t eating and losing weight. But then, I am on the heavy side so it’s good that I am losing. I just hope I can keep the weight off when the depression disappears and my appetite returns.

Amazon is so weird. I can order stuff that is free shipping and it will take a week to get to me. Other times, I place the order and it’s delivered within a few days. I don’t get their shipping times. But tomorrow, I should be having my new books. I am such a bibliophilic. I still have three books on Kindle that I need to read. Actually, I have more than three that I need to read. I just bought two more Lawrence Block books because they were a steal. Can’t go wrong with either $3 or free. I got his latest book that he has been talking about the past two months. I am so glad I have his blog to keep me up-to-date on his writing ventures. I have so many books to read but unfortunately, I don’t have the inclination to read sometimes so they just sit on my bed for a while before I pick them up again. The latest book I am reading is “Common Struggle”. So far it reads like a speech more than a book. But then, it is written by a politician. I don’t think I am going to get back to Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince. I am only on the third chapter and haven’t touched it since everything that has been going on with my father.

I have been listening to music more and that has been my zoning out because I listen to the lyrics more than have it as background noise. I think I am losing my touch to multi-tasking. But then, I am disabled so what do I have to multi-task about?

About G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about. also writing about my daily struggle with chronic pain and how it affects my suicidality
This entry was posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

5 Responses to Saturday Blog 44

  1. Glad to hear from you. Sorry to hear about the mental and physical stuff. Glad Atina was there for you. Yes I know how the shower story goes. Struggling with dizziness today so not sure if I will be having one today or not. Need to call PCP tomorrow. Think something is wrong with ears that is causing dizziness.

  2. Oh, whew…I was crashingly depressed, having terrifying nightmares, PTSD symptoms out of control…And Atina with me, such a loyal companion! Today I am physically ill, which might explain the psychic awful prodrome. Sometimes that happens, and I never realize it until the physical manifestations take hold, and the brain settles down. I’ve been meaning to write a post, but haven’t been capable of doing anything but hiding under the covers.

    I have to go to some appointments later to apply for an mmj card, so I need to shower, and my water tank in the RV was empty so I had to fill it and now I just have to sit here for a bit and recover from that, but not too long because I really want to shower before that appointment, but you know how that goes.

    Thanks so much for asking about us!

  3. I’m with Laura. Increasingly, I find myself appreciating the benefits of monotasking.

  4. hey Laura, I am so glad you commented. I was thinking about you and Atina. How is she?

  5. I’m personally opposed to multitasking. It takes away from the experience of being immersed in any one experience.

any thoughts?

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