Dizziness Returns

Dizziness Returns

I went to my father’s because the VNA service was coming over and I knew they would be asking all kinds of questions about his meds. Damn idiots at the hospital had about ½ his medication listed so now they need to call his PCP’s office to verify he is on all this medication. Really?? The bottles themselves don’t prove he is taking it and I am the one that dishes out his meds every damn week and you don’t think I know what my father takes?? I am so irritated. So another nurse will be coming by tomorrow to make the necessary phone calls and shit as today is Sunday and his PCP’s office just has an answering machine. The on-call doc is not going to know my father and will just say call tomorrow anyways. Useless!

While I was there, my ears starting feeling funny and then I started to feel like I did last week with the dizziness. It’s been several hours now and I can’t make the feeling go away. Every time I walk or go up the stairs, I feel worse. I hope my heart is ok and it’s just an ear thing but I feel like I am going to pass out, which isn’t a true sign of vertigo. I took my BP when I came home and it was normal. My monitor is supposed to pick up abnormal heart rhythms and it didn’t detect anything. Now in addition to calling to make appointments for my father, I have to call my doctor’s office and make an appointment for myself because this shit sucks. It can’t be because of low blood sugar because I had two meals today. I had breakfast and then ate over my father’s. I am glad that he ate because he hasn’t been eating too good the past week. I take after him in regards to eating one meal a day. I am full with lunch as I had too much of the rotisserie chicken.

The dizziness is less severe than it was on Wednesday last week. But feeling like passing out is the same. I have been trying to drink more but I don’t always think of it. I just hope they don’t want me to go to the ER for fluids or something. I hate IVs. I no longer think it’s withdrawal from my meds because I have been taking them, though I skipped the baclofen last night. It could all be because I haven’t been sleeping. I fell asleep last night around 1800 and then woke up at midnight. I didn’t go back to sleep until 0500 or so. When I woke up later this morning around 0900, I had a wicked headache and was foggy. I took some Excedrin and made coffee as well as breakfast. I finally had my black bean burger I have been craving. I like the ones I have though they are really spicy. I drank almost a full glass of iced tea with it before I had my coffee.

This whole thing is giving me anxiety with chest heaviness that I hate. And today started off as a great day because my favorite author, Lawrence Block, commented on my blog this morning. I couldn’t believe it and had to read the comment a few times to know that it was him! I was so excited to receive the comment I was texting and emailing all I knew about it. I have been reading his work for the past 25 years and just got his latest work about writing a book from start to finish as well as his new novella. I haven’t started either book yet as I am reading his older book “After the First Death”. I just hungrily love his writing and scoop up his books whenever I can.

I am hoping this week will be calmer so I can do some writing. But it all depends on my sleep and the doc appointments for myself and my father. I also hope that with the return of my appetite, the rest of the physical symptoms of depression will go away. I want the feeling of being tired all the time away as well, but I think that has more to do with my chronic pain than depression. I know that it gets worse when the depression is at its worse. It’s like walking through mud uphill. I don’t want to do anything or go anywhere. Just getting dressed is a battle or showering. I was going to take a shower today but with the dizziness, I don’t think I will. I can’t risk passing out. I can be dirty one more day.

About G. Collerone

suicide attempt survivor writing about the hopelessness that accompanies depression that no one likes to talk about. also writing about my daily struggle with chronic pain and how it affects my suicidality
This entry was posted in Bipolar Disorder, blogging, chronic physical pain, depression, mood disorders and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to Dizziness Returns

  1. Wow, getting a comment from your favorite author?! No wonder you’re dizzy 😜

    Really, I hope your dizzies turn out to be something simple that goes away and doesn’t come back. I get occasional vertigo, and it ruins an entire day.

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